Mr. Smith Goes To The Hospital

Here is the blog before we get on the plane to fly to Atlanta. I thought while I was freaking from my phobia that I’d try to use some of this nervous energy (if we could harness it, we could fix the energy crisis of at least the Eastern Seaboard) for a good cause. One of the comics we read daily is Howard Taylor’s "Schlock Mercenary", I even did an intro for his second collection. We found something interesting in his blog and thought we’d share.

Songwriter and performer Tom Smith was injured on stage in late spring. His livelihood depends on him traveling to conventions and performing, but now he is trapped in a wheelchair undergoing physical therapy.

He’ll be fine, but he is missing the 2008 convention season entirely, and is racking up medical expenses instead of income.

If you’ve been paying attention to sites other than mine, you’ve probably seen plugs for the Mr. Smith Goes To The Hospital fund-raiser from notables and luminaries like Randy Milholland, Phil and Kaja Foglio, Rob Balder, everybody at the FuMP, and Steve Jackson. The plugging, pleading, and exhortation has been drawn out across the summer in order to maximize the benefit to Tom, and it has fallen to me to go last.

Jon bought the songs, and they are hilarious. My favorite, so far, is "I want to be Peter Lorre". Jon loves the Trans Poly U fight song. It’s what mad scientists would sing about their ala mater. The songs are very fun, and for a worthy cause. How many times in your life can you do the right thing, and have a great time doing it? Not often enough.

Dragon Con here we come; almost

Ahhh! Plane ride tomorrow to Atlanta for Dragon Con. Did I mention the whole riding an airplane concept? Jon found that there is a train that goes all the way from Chicago to San Fransico. It takes four days, but I don’t seem to be afraid of trains. Though, I’ve never used a sleeper car. I tend not to sleep in cars, or anything that moves. So, we might get me on it, and discover that I just don’t sleep for four days. That would be bad.

If I could let go of my fear my life would be contain a great deal less stress. But how do you let go of a phobia? I’ve tried hypnotism. It doesn’t work on me. The nice hypnotist said I had trust issues; really, me, like that was a big surprise. I’ve tried immersion therapy, ie . . . twenty-six cities in twenty-eight days with a plane ride for each city. The theory was as nothing bad happened, I would eventually grow less afraid and more calm about the planes. By the next to last city, I almost didn’t get on the plane. I just looked at Jon and said, "I don’t think I can do this. I don’t think I have one more plane ride in me." I did, of course, get on the airplane, but it was a near thing. Oh, and for those of you wondering why the twenty-six cities in twenty-eight days: the national tour for Narcissus in Chains. It came out just after 9/11 so the airports were even more, um, interesting than normal.

My new ipod is playing as I type this; I spent the last two hours going through the play list on the computer and putting things back, though same songs that had outlived their usefulness to me were dropped. New songs made it on, and because I was working from Jon’s play list . . . let’s just say that there are some interesting choices. After being together for eight years, my music taste is getting more eclectic just from rubbing elbows with his-self’s music collection. When we were dating I never knew when I got into his truck, if I’d be listening to the Andrew’s Sister’s, or death metal. You need a sort of psychic depth chamber to go from one song to the other, or so I thought years ago. Now, it doesn’t rattle me to be listening to Eartha Kitt one minute and HIM, the next. Though the lounge singer version of "Smack my bitch up," hurt my head a little.

I’ll try to do a blog tomorrow, but I can’t promise. If this is the last blog before I fly to Atlanta see everyone at Dragon Con!

LKH Bit 08/26/08

French Publisher, DragonCon Info – even if your not going!


FRENCH PUBLISHER
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Bragelonne is going to publish the AB series in France! Sorry I do not yet have details on when they will publish their first book. But we will share as soon as someone lets us know.



DRAGON CON
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With DragonCon looming on the horizon (YAH!) I wanted to cover a few things.

Kind of a mishmash of things, what to start with first?

Okay, even if you’re NOT going, DragonCon will be posting pictures and videos at www.dragoncon.org. We will also be taping so look for that as soon as we can manage it. There are always fun things up at the DragonCon website. Personally, I find the video “bumpers” hilarious.

I would like to say Thank You to DragonCon for extending Parade registration. I didn’t realize it had closed two weeks ago. It is terrifically nice of them to hold it open so late so many more folks could sign up. My apologies to all. That was totally my screw up.

So if you plan on marching make sure you register!
DragonCon has a parade check-in table in the Hyatt Regency just outside badge pick-up (Grand Hall, Exhibit Level) on Thursday (4-9:30PM) and Friday (9:30AM-9:30PM). Anyone who didn't sign-up for the parade by August 13 should come by the table once they get to Dragon*Con.

Laurell does not charge for her autograph. Nor will she require you to purchase anything at the con to get it. Signing is limited to two items per person. I still am not sure how they are handling the signings please ask at the registration when you check in with the Convention.

We will have a booth! We will be in the Marriott International Hall Booth A-55. We will be selling Guilty Pleasures Staff and Security Shirts, JC Ducks, Sigmund Penguins and Nathaniel Leopards.

There are freebies to be had, for as long as they last. Also, we will have a free t-shirt for anyone wearing one of ours (from the fan club or Café Press) or one you made yourself. Again, for as long as they last. Or just stop by and say hi! We are always happy to meet everyone.

There will be some goodies at the Charity Auction from Laurell. So if you don’t catch her sooner, you might try to win those.

DragonCon has a pocket program up on the website so you can plan your visit: http://publications.dragoncon.org/index.htm#Pocket

So that pretty much is it!

Hope to see you there.

Darla

Barnes and Noble Center Stage

I’m a guest author at Center Stage for Barnes and Noble this week. So, if you have any questions you’re dieing to ask, now’s your chance. I think I answered eight questions today. More tomorrow. The link is below:

Center Stage

Am I a Cougar?

I had heard the word cougar for an older woman who dated younger men, but I thought it meant in a predatory sort of way. An older woman who dated younger men in a casual, and potentially hurtful manner. I learned last night at the party that it's now referring to any older woman who dates exclusively younger men.

Am I cougar? When my first marriage broke up, and I was suddenly dating after more than a decade of being off the shelf, I had no plans to date anyone too much younger than myself. But I found that the men in my age range had the same problems with me that we'd all had in college. I was too dominant, too interested in my own career, and, strangely, too successful. A lot of men within a few years of me either way were very intimidated by that last bit. Then, there were those men who thought my choice of writing was either too gross, or made them think it would make me more sexually available. That's like the creepy guys who think that women who work vice, or sex crimes for the police are somehow more into what they work with; disturbing. I mean if I was a firefighter, you wouldn't expect me to be an arsonist in my spare time.

There was also this expectiation in my age group and older that divorced meant I was easy. I am not easy in any sense of the word; any man I've ever dated will tell you this. When I was in college men didn't expect sex for the price of dinner and a movie. Somehow in the decade and change I'd been out of the dating pool, they did. If I wanted to sell it, it would go for more than that, and if that's what the man thought, I paid for my own damn dinner. Thanks, anyway.

But younger men, like seven, or more years younger, didn't have the same problems with my job, my success, or my attitude. They also didn't think that sex was an automatic just because I was divorced. I think it's a generational difference. Men in my age bracket were still suffering under the delusion that once you're down a man, you NEED one. To keep you from makng some horrible mistake, modern technology takes the edge off guys, get a grip on your creepy selves.

So, I guess, by definition, since I only successfuly dated men that much younger than myself after my divorce, and married a man who is twelve years younger than me; that yes, I am a cougar. Meow.

Early morning and weekend plans

Woke early this morning. Dawn, just a faint orange and rose glow against the bathroom window. The window was covered in moisture, as if the night had cried as it went. Most of the windows in my office were fogged like that; it means autumn is here. It's August and it should be hot enough to broil outside, but it's not. It feels more like late September, or even October. More sunlight, but the temperature is cool, the nights misty, and the mornings full of autumn haze. People who have lived in St. Louis their entire lives say they've never seen an August like this one. I wonder whose getting our usual weather? Sorry, to you guys, but it's lovely here.

What did I do this lovely morning while my husband and daughter were still tucked up in their beds? Well, after taking care of the dogs, and made tea, I meditated, which I do almost every morning. Feeling a little more centered for the day, I let myself just type on an idea that I'd had earlier this morning. It's not Anita, or Merry, or anything else. It's brand new, and it's a mystery, and I don't even know where it's going or what's happening, and that feels strangely freeing. Six pages on the mysterious new project. I feel better.

Writing group last night. It was a social meeting, because none of us had anything to run through the group. SWALLOWING DARKNESS had to go to New York before this meeting, and I knew it would, so I didn't take up time in the schedule. Next month, Mark may have something, but what we all have found is that life interferes in getting the writing done, or for some of us, the deadlines are so short that we can't send it through the whole group on a once a month schedule. Once upon a time, no one in New York cared that much, and we were regular as clock work. Funny the things you don't think success will change. No complaints, just one of those observations.

Jon stayed home with Trinity, and they had a movie night. That means they each pick something from the video store, and get to watch it. It runs high to animae that I don't want to see, and cartoons. Trin loves movie nights, and the father/daughter bonding. I guess the closest I came to that was my Uncle Maran, who would say up late at night with my cousin, his son, David and I so we could watch the local Creature Feature hour. He'd make us popcorn, and we'd watch the shows, until he fell asleep, then we fell asleep. At age seven or so, I remember falling asleep in front of their big colored televison, pressed almost against it tryign to stay awake to see that second scary feature. I really missed Uncle Maran when he and my aunt divorced. But it was the closest I had to what Trinity takes as normal.

Today we have a pic nic/ cook out to go to. One of my best friend's daughter is coming home for a visit. She's off on the coast getting her degree, so she doesn't get home often. So, we get to pack up as a family, and go see Robin and her family.

Off for lunch. Hope you guys have a fabulous weekend.

Date night

Jon and I had date night last night. One of the most important things I learned from the break up of my first marriage is that if a couple doesn’t make time to simply be a couple, then you begin to forget how to do it. So, almost every week, we have a date night. I came downstairs and Jon handed me my new Smith & Wesson M&P 9c, in a brand new Blade-Tech holster, which we’d ordered, but I didn’t realize had arrrived. He handed it to me with the comment, "Happy date night."

My reply, "Are we going to the range?"

He grinned, and shook his head. "I just wanted to surprise you."

Ah, a new holster for my gun, that he’d already worked on so I could carry it the way I wanted to carry it. There’s a man that knows the way to my heart. We spent the next little bit trying the holster on, and seeing if it worked for the gun and ease of draw. We discovered that my pants, being girl pants, were not strong enough to stand up to the pull and tug without sagging. We also discovered that low rise is not good for gun carry; something I’d already discovered actually. But hey, I live in hope that this time it will work. Also, you need a belt, a good, solid belt, read boy belt. When I went upstairs to put one on, I realized I could get the date night surprise I’d gotten for Jon. Let’s just say that Fredrick’s of Hollywood makes some nice stuff that fits under clothes just fine. I’d chosen the color and fit with Jon in mind, put my clothes back on over it all, then went down stairs to play with the new holster some more. Admittedly, I flashed my husband so he’d know what I was wearing, but then that’s part of the fun. We finally put the guns back in the gun safe, because we also got out his FN and it’s new holster. If anything would make me pack my Browning in moth balls it would be the FN. So, far I’ve resisted, but damn it shoots nice.

My ex picked up the kiddo, and we were free to get ready to go out. First feed the dogs, so you won’t have to do that when you come home from dinner. Then wait for the dogs to digest, then finally take them out, then we could go out. I took Jon to an Indian restaurant, because that it one of his favorites. It’s not my favorite. I love naan bread, but other than that, I find it a little spicy, and I don’t care for cilantro which seems to be in everything. But this was about taking my husband out to the restaurant he wanted to go to, and I can find things to eat. It was wonderful. Seven years married and I still love looking across the table at him when it’s just the two of us. He danced in his seat to the Indian club music, but then Jon is always moving, dancing, either to the music that is playing in the room, or inside his own head. If you’ve been to a signing, you know what I mean. He helps me remember that we’re supposed to be dancing through life, not slogging. My work horse mentality sometimes puts lead in my feet. Jon helps me remember that there are lighter things to be wearing.

We drove home in rain with the sky lighting above us like some pyrotechnic show. We stayed downstairs long enough for the worst of it to pass, because our big puppy, Pippin, is terrified of storms. All sixty pounds of him crawled into my lap, along with Sasquatch. Sassy isn’t afraid of storms, he just wants to be in my lap, too. Jealous dogs. When the weather had calmed enough for Pip to voluntarily go to the other couch and lay by himself, we got to go upstairs. Yea!

Let’s just say the lingerie was a hit, and for all of you women out there that are like me and have curves, I find that Fredrick’s has a lot more variety that will fit us, then Victoria’s secret. Don’t despair of those curves, celebrate them.

DragonCon Parade Info

This year's parade will be our largest ever, with the potential to top 2000 costumed participants marching on Peachtree Street. Getting every one staged and ready to step off at 10:00AM is, as you can imagine, a major production. Walk-ups on parade morning are always discouraged.

Fans planning to march with Laurell K Hamilton however should sign-up for the parade so we can get critical logistical information to them.

We'll have a parade check-in table in the Hyatt Regency just outside badge pick-up (Grand Hall, Exhibit Level) on Thursday (4-9:30PM) and Friday (9:30AM-9:30PM). Anyone who didn't sign-up for the parade by August 13 should come by our table once they get to Dragon*Con.

All parade participants must be Dragon*Con members and are required to wear their badges during the event. The parade is a costumed event and as such all participants (exceptions being honored guests like Laurell) must be in costume. Vampires and vampire hunters are welcome in the parade!

Cake, or death?

Better today. Got the comic stuff done bright and early. Am rereading the new Anita book, because I’ve been away from it too long to just pick back up where I left off. In fact, today when Jon asked me what page number to print off to, I couldn’t remember. He then asked, "Well, where did you leave everything? What was happening?" I looked at him blankly. I simply couldn’t remember if I’d gotten past the weretiger scene, or not. I think I had, but I had to look to be sure. I am past that scene. I had to leave Anita, Edward, and the rest of the police about to do a SWAT entry to a house. I’ve been making notes on research I’ll be needing for later, as I reread. What kind of research? What does the drive form the airport to the police station look like. Heck, what does the police station look like. There are other more detailed questions, but it’s mostly questions because the book isn’t set in St. Louis. Jon and I enjoyed our research in North Carolina, for the most part, except for that one hotel room, but I’m not a good traveler. I guess I could treat the travel like some writers do, as a chance to see new places and experience new things . . . naw, not me. It’s all just work. Though my new goal is to learn to play better, and enjoy myself more. We’ll see if a life time of habits can be tweaked a bit. I know I need more fun in my life, or I’m going to loose my freaking mind. So, fun, or death? Hmm. It’s like that Eddie Izzard routine, "Cake, or death?" Everybody wants cake.

I’m off to the main part of the house. Jon has my new ipod ready for me to choose a play list, and start downloading, or uploading, or whatever the heck kind of loading it is. Do I put Audioslave back on? I was fast forwarding through it most of the time. Do I add Soundgarden? Do I add more Diary of Dreams? Do I put on more Tori Amos? What will work for this book, and for me? Too many choices. Did I mention in the blog earlier that the computer that we did a lot of our shared work on, died? It’s been an interesting week for technology for us. In that Chinese curse kind of way; you know, may you live in interesting times. If my life were anymore interesting than it is, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.

Darkness in the head; Mummies on the screen

I’ve written this blog twice, and you don’t get to see either of them. My head’s gone too dark to share on the blog. Hell, it’s too dark except for a very short list of people. My husband knows, and my friend Shawn, but for the rest, even my closest friends, I don’t think they want to know how deep the wound, how dark the mood, how black the prospect. I feel like I’m a burden to them in this mood. Not fit company for man nor’ beast.

So what do you do when your mood is black, and you feel crushed under the burden of it all? I got on the treadmill for forty-five minutes it’s the longest I’ve managed since my ankle went funky on me. The treadmill helped me feel a little more human, and a little less dead. Then a bath, which is always a good thing. Then Jon, Trinity, me, and our friend, Richard, all went out to see the new Mummy movie. We enjoyed it. It wasn’t high art, but then, we didn’t expect it to be. It was fun, and exciting, and things blew up in a fun and cinematic way. We got to see Jet Li fight, and the movie was pretty much made for me when Brendan Fraser took his shirt off, and made out, a little, with his wife. (I’ve had a crush on Fraser since George of the Jungle, though I hear he’s really, really tall, like 6’ 4", or 5", if that is true, then he’s over my height prefence, but no one’s perfect.) I liked the plot idea of their son being all grown up and the changing of the guard. There are a lot of impossibilities in the movie, and don’t poke too hard at the logic, just go and have fun. I had fun, and that was what I needed.

Tomorrow I’m going to finish up some comic work that languished on my desk today. No more of that. I will pull my head out of my ass, and stop letting the monsters in my head win. There are days when the only way to stay ahead of the monsters is to keep moving. Tomorrow I move, both mentally and physically. Move, or die, like some kind of shark, though I heard that wasn’t true. That sharks having to move to live is an old wise tale. I’m sure I could look it up on the internet right now, and find several conflicting opinons, but I’m going to bed instead. Hopefully, a little sleep will help keep the darkness contained. Tomorrow is another day. If you’re an optimist, it means the day is all bright and shiny with no mistakes in it. If you’re a pessimist, it means it’s another chance to fuck things up. If you’re a realist, it means that some mistakes out live the day, and you’ll still be dealing with them tomorrow, but not sleeping won’t make them any less real, so you might as well sleep. Guess which flavor I am?

LKH Bit 08/18/08

Full MoonSale, DragonCon Update, Swallowing Darkness New Cover and Banners, Café Press, Laughing Corpse Comic Special Offer, Falcata Times Interview, Screensavers





FULL MOON SALE

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Apparently some of the email services truncated the bit. So we are going to extend the sale on the Brett Booth Jean-Claude shirts thru the 20th to give everyone a chance.


Here's a link:

http://www.laurellkhamilton.org/Merchandise/FullMoonSale1.html


If it doesn't work for you, you can go to www.laurellkhamilton.org and click on the Store tab on the menu. It is last on the drop down menu.






DRAGONCON UPDATE

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I do not know how they are handling the signing. Ask when you register.


Laurell does not require a purchase to get her autograph. Nor does she charge for autographs.


DragonCon is in Atlanta Georgia August 29- Sept 1.

http://www.dragoncon.org/


Title: Dragon*AutoGraph
Description:
Time: Fri 02:30 pm
Length: 1 Hour

Title: Dragon*Con Opening Ceremonies
Description: Come join us for the hatching of the Dragon and celebrate the beginning of a spectacular convention.
Time: Fri 06:30 pm
Length: 0.5

Title: Night Bites
Description: Join some of the most influential authors of vampire fiction and learn the many ways the undead continue to enthrall readers.
Time: Fri 07:00 pm
Length: 1 Hour

Title: She Did What?!
Description: Sex in science fiction. Is it necessary? Does too much of it cross the line from sf/fantasy into...other things?
Time: Fri 10:00 pm
Length: 1 Hour

Title: 7th Annual Dragon*Con Parade
Description: Gather your costume and muster at 9:30 AM sharp in Woodruff Park and join our Grand Marshalls for the parade.
Time: Sat 10:00 am
Length: 2.5 Hours


Laurell will be riding in the parade. There will be a section for fans to march in. We will also have a banner to march behind. I don't know how this works exactly as we have never done this before. So please be at the parade meeting spot and look for the banner.

Title: Dragon*AutoGraph
Description:
Time: Sat 02:30 pm
Length: 1 Hour

Title: Awards Banquet
Description: Join us and Master of Ceremonies John Ringo for our Awards Banquet. We'll honor our 2008 Guests of Honor and present the Julie and Georgia Fandom Awards. With performances by Ghost Project and Robert Picardo!
Time: Sat 07:00 pm
Length: 2.5 Hours

Title: Should I Kiss Him or Kill Him?
Description: With todays very strong heroines, the question arises: What does the heroine do with the bad guy? Or--the ante-hero--or the hero? What's expected of these female protagonists and how can you break those traditions--or adhere to them in new ways?
Time: Sun 10:00 am
Length: 1 Hour

Title: Dragon*AutoGraph
Description:
Time: Sun 01:00 pm
Length: 1 Hour

Title: Wait Until Dark
Description: The sun dips below the horizon...what creeps out of the darkness towards the tantalizing flesh of the human population?
Time: Sun 02:30 pm
Length: 1 Hour

Title: Laurell K. Hamilton
Description: A one-hour look into the dark and sensual worlds of Laurell K. Hamilton - author of the "Anita Blake" and "Merry Gentry" series.
Time: Sun 05:30 pm
Length: 1 Hour

Title: Dragon*AutoGraph
Description:
Time: Mon 11:30 am
Length: 1 Hour


The fan club will be present selling t-shirts and stuff and giving away goodies!


Wear an Anita or Merry shirt, one you bought or one you made and get a free t-shirt. While supplies last!


Don't have one? Don't worry, we will have free stuff for anyone who stops by to say hi. You can find us International Hall at the Marriott Marquis booth A-55





SWALLOWING DARKNESS NEW COVER AND BANNERS

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The cover for Swallowing Darkness has been redone. It comes out November 4, 2008.

Here is the new cover and a link to the banners. There are now 3 banner styles and 2 sizes for each:


http://www.laurellkhamilton.org/Merr...nessUS2008.jpg



Sorry, still don't have the first chapter up, but hope to soonest!





CAFÉ PRESS

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Cafe Press has added a ceramic travel mug to their collection. We are offering a variety of designs on it.

http://www.cafepress.com/lkhprem






LAUGHING COPRSE COMIC SPECIAL OFFER

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For a limited time, get your beloved vampire hunter delivered right to your door! You'll receive all 15 issues of Marvel's comic adaptation of Laurell K. Hamilton's Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter: The Laughing Corpse for just $29.97! Save 50% Off Newsstand! All orders must be placed by September 9th, 2008. Don't delay, subscribe today!

http://subscriptions.marvel.com/combo/Anita_Blake:_The_Laughing_Corpse




FALACATA TIMES INTERVIEW

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Falacata Times Interview is online!


http://members.lycos.co.uk/falcatatimes


SCREENSAVERS
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Screen Savers can be downloaded for free at the links below. But if you would rather have them on CD you can order them for $10 for both at
http://www.laurellkhamilton.org/Merchandise/OtherStuff.htm


SCREEN SAVER 1 - Mixed:
Mixed screen saver with Merry and Anita artwork and some photos of Laurell.
File name: LaurellScreenSaverSetup.exe
Click here or http://www.laurellkhamilton.org/ScreenSaver/LaurellScreenSaverSetup.exe


SCREEN SAVER 2 - Anita Quotes:
Quotes from the Anita Blake Vampire Hunter Series.
File name: AnitaQuotesScreensaverSetUp.exe
Click Here or http://www.laurellkhamilton.org/ScreenSaver/AnitaQuotesScreensaverSetUp.exe

This is a autoinstall program. Standard disclaimer applies


That's it for this bit! Hope to see you soon at DragonCon.


Darla

Sometimes the Velveteen Rabbit is made of nuts and bolts

My very first iPod has died. No saving throw. It’s simply gone. It’s the first piece of technology that I voluntarily purchased. We went to the Apple store and hoped they could save it, but my stalwart companion, who has seen many tours with me, is no more. It’s not alive enough for a burial; not heavy enough for a paper weight; but when it came time to trade it in for 10 % off of a new purchase, I could not do it. I put it in the pocket nearest my heart and brought it back home. Jon and I are half-jokingly talking about putting it in a lucite block. Probably it will go in a drawer somewhere in my office and sit, but this iPod joins a very short list of mechanical things that have transcended their nuts, bolts, and electronic beginnings to take on, in some way, a semblance of more.

My first mechanical affection was the first television set that I remember, well. It was a small black and white on a stand in a wooden case. It was actually carved and a little ornate. When I was still too young for school, I named the television, Charlie. When things were bad, Charlie always had something cheerful, or interesting to show me. There aren’t many friends that are as dependable as that little television was. Charlie got replaced by a newer, color set, but my grandmother put him in the spare bedroom, and used him like a table. I left him when I moved away from home; I don’t remember him being offered to me. I eventually years later bought my grandmother a really nice, large television for the living room, but Charlie was still in the bedroom covered in bric-a-brac, and doilies. He may still be there, though I’m not certain that my aunt has kept him in his place.

My second mechanical fling was my first car. It was an Omega, and it was second hand, but I loved that car. Her name was Meg. I was sixteen, and it meant that now my grandmother and I could drive ourselves places. We were no longer at the mercy of other people’s schedules. No matter how kind the rest of the family was, it was still a lot of waiting, and feeling like the poor relative. Everyone was very nice about it, but I, and Granny, felt the lack. When I turned sixteen and got my license we had freedom. Here in the U. S. you need a car outside of maybe a handful of cities. When I had to trade her in for a new car after I got married, the first time, I laid my face on the hood and actually cried, as I said good-bye.

Third, was my typewriter. It was a hand me down from my Aunt Juanita, now that her girls didn’t need it for school anymore. I wrote my first stories on it. It is in the storage room, of this house, as I type this, even though I know that I will probably never use it again. When the time came to part with the old manual, I couldn’t bear it.

Fourth, my first lap top. Strangely, not my first computer, because I shared that with my first husband, so it wasn’t mine. The lap top was mine. No games were ever played on it. Nothing was ever put on it, but my stuff. It was mine. I kept it for fourteen, or fifteen years before it finally gave up the electronic ghost. (Yes, it was a very long time for a lap top to keep working.) Jon finally talked me out of it, because it was starting to do the things that computers do before that last big crash. I let that one go, and we got a new one. Jon even finally persuaded me to get a desk top, as well, which is what I’m typing on right now. But that first lap top, was mine in a way that the others are not. The lap top was never part of a computer network. It was never linked up to anyone to share files. It was my little isolated world, and I liked it that way back then. Both of the computers I have now are all shared with Darla, and Jon, and even Charles has come and worked on them. The first lap top was shared with no one. Strangely, I never named it.

I would have counted the Foose mustang as fifth, but the iPod is older than the car. I do love the Foose. It is the Baby. I love the roar of the engine, the feel of the road under the wheels, and the reaction you get from people. I love the way the car gleams in the sunlight, and I watch it’s rear end the way I watch my husband’s; that nice proprietary that’s-mine-feeling.

But today is about my fifth gadget crush, not the Baby. I didn’t know I liked my iPod this much until it wouldn’t work. The gray screen of death, and there was no saving it. It’s internal workings have gone off, and so we bought a new one for me. It’s a generation, or two, newer, but it’s not my first love. That slim, black, nano will lie in a drawer at my desk, until I can either bear to part with it, or figure out something to do with it. A lucite block would just be silly; wouldn’t it?

Some bits of tech and mechanics rise above their origins, and like the Velveteen Rabbit, they become alive for us. My iPod was my comfort on many a flight, and my de-stress on many a day. I raise a virtual glass in one last toast to my slim, mechanical, companion; no longer functioning, but not thrown away.

Celebrating, my way

What to do to celebrate finishing, Swallowing Darkness? (Okay, finished except for the next round of edits and the research that’s still pending, but that can all wait for a few days. No, really it can. My sanity says it can.) So, what to do to celebrate?

I thought about getting a tatoo. Does that let you guys know how really drained I am. I’ve never even pierced my ears, and I’m thinking of getting a tattoo this weekend. No, Laurell, don’t do it. Actually, a good friend of ours, Pili, who was once a tattoo artist, drew on us with markers and pens some designs. Her rule is that you have someone draw it on you, so you can wear it for awhile. Then if you don’t like it, no harm, no foul, but if you do like . . . You get it drawn on one more time. Then if you still like it. You wait for a few weeks. Then, if you STILL like the design, you can find a really good tattoo artist (we’re going to take Pili’s recommendation on that), then you get your tatoo. Jon and I’ve found an image we like, but we need one more drawing and to think it over. I was all set to do it this weekend. Jon said, no. Cooler heads have prevailed, and we’ll wait. I’ll see if Pili can draw it again this weekend, then we’ll wait until after DragonCon, I think. It’s only two weeks, or so. If we don’t change our minds sometime in September we’ll decorate ourselves permenantly. Said, that way, it makes me wonder, but . . . We’ll see.

So, if we can’t tattoo ourselves to celebrate, what can we do? Well, what we did do, was go gun shopping. I haven’t been happy with the Kahr since I bought it. The size is right, and feels okay in my hand, and it’s okay to shoot, but it’s not fun to shoot, and it’s damn stiff. Also, it just doesn’t fill me with the same emotion that the Browning BDM does. I bought the guns at the same time and I’m happy with the BDM, but still unhappy with the Kahr, so we went shopping for it’s replacement. Something small, concealable, but not with so much kick I’m going to be fighting the gun while fighting bad guys.

Charles and Shawn all gave us the same list of guns. When two ex-military, one ex-cop, and one current policeman; give you the same list, then you pay attention. We ended up with the Smith and Wesson M&P 9c. It’s sitting beside me on the desk, as I type this. I find that when I buy a new gun, I like to keep it close by for a few days. It’s unloaded, and even though Jon brought it to me from the gun safe and I trust him implicitly, I still popped the magazine, put the slide back, and rechecked. Safety, safety, safety; if you can’t be safe then you should not own a gun. It’s not a toy, no matter how fun I think they are; it’s a tool.

I look at the compact, black shape between my arms, with it’s barrel pointed at my keyboard, and find it . . . elegant. Elegant in the way of a good tool. Others might find the S&W a little blocky, but not me. I like it. Though, let me just say that low rise pants with an inner pants holster are not a good idea. Hard to draw the gun, and I suspect, if you wore the holster long enough you’d chaff. Unless you’re willing to have your underwear show above the pant’s line, which I hate. So, what to do? Get different pants, or a different holster. I always learn something new when I try some of the equipment that Anita will be using. It’s one of the reasons I try to do my research, because it adds. If I can hold it in my hand, try to wear it on my body, then when I next sit down to write, that bit of knowledge will be on paper, and you guys will get a more realistic world to play in.

Cover for Swallowing Darkness

We have a new cover for SWALLOWING DARKNESS. The first cover was pretty, but one of the problems with doing covers ahead of finishing a book, is that sometimes they just don’t work with that particular novel. Then you read it, and you get better ideas. Both my editor and everyone in the art department at Ballantine thought of a really cool idea. This cover actually has an image pulled from the story, and it simply works. This is the cover for SWALLOWING DARKNESS. I like this one as much as the cover for A LICK OF FROST, and I liked that cover a whole lot.

Here it is; for your viewing pleasure:

Also check out Darla’s photobucket for the new banners.

Book is Off to New York

The book is off to New York. Hallefreakingluiah! I’m so tired I can’t see straight. Jon’s not much better. The only down side to bringing him into more of the editing and research work is that when I finish a book he’s a beat as I am. It used to be only me walking around like some kind of catastrophe survivor, now it’s both of us.

I celebrated yesterday afternoon by retiring to the bath. We all have our little indulgences, I hit nearly all of mine. A hot bath, a good book, really good chocolate, cold bottled water (that whole not drinking thing), and a bath tub that has enough water jets to beat the aches out of my muscles, and some happiness into the rest of my body. I love our bath tub. I was pretty brain fried, but I knew I needed to read somebody else’s book. Something I didn’t have to come up with, was what was needed. I chose a Robert B. Parker book that I’d read once before, but he’s one of my favorite writers, and his Spenser series bears repeating. Then bed at an early hour for both my husband and me, and some relax time.

We got to stay in bed a little later than usual, but not much; when you have children you really don’t have an option. But that migraine that I had a few days back, is hanging on, which means it’s probably a stress headache and not a migraine, though sometimes I’d love for a doctor to explain the difference. There really are differences, but to the patient, it feels damn simular. You just don’t get the sensitivity to light, the halo effect, or some of the other goodies. But it still feels like my whole body has a hangover. It may be in part allergies, but I’m betting stress, and just a human body not being made to sit at a desk for hours at a time. Jon and I did manage to take a nap in the afternoon and felt some better. But as I type this, early bed sounds very good.

I’m actually taking a few days off. Today was one. Tomorrow maybe I’ll actually go to the plant store, or see one of my friends in person instead of just on the phone. Usually I flounder when I finish a book, but this time all I want to do is sit and stare at nothing for a few days. I want to do things that have nothing to do with writing. I don’t want to have to come up with an idea, or a solution to a plot point, or discover that transition to that moment of character development. I want to read other people’s books, watch the television we’ve had to record but not watch, visit with friends, and do things with my husband that don’t involve work.

Friends and family are urging us to go away on a trip for a few days. Maybe later. Right now, the thought of planning even a fun trip just makes me more tired. Jon just let me know that dinner is ready. He grilled. I cut and diced. Team work.

Almost Done

Three new chapters. Finished about ten something last night. So tired, I started startling from seeing those dark things out of the corner of my eyes. Sleep was good. But book, not quite finished. Checking the military stuff, or rather double and triple checking it. I’m always painfully aware that I am a civillian. I think it’s one of the reasons I always write from an outsider point of view rather than a typical law enforcement officer, or soldier, because I know I’m not either of these things.

The book will get to wing it’s way to New York today. God willing. My mood is dark, and not in a good, happy way. But part of how you deal with it, is embracing the fact that you are a moody bastard, and bear that in mind on the days when the mood gets ugly. Don’t take it out on anyone else, and find an outlet that isn’t self-descructive. This is one of those days when I understand why Hemingway was a drunk, and why one of the most common problems for almost any artist is addiction of some kind. You just want something to make it stop for awhile, or to lighten the darkness. You think of that first drink as lighting a candle against the night, but in reality it’s the beginning of setting your world on fire just to watch it burn. Artists are always tip-toeing on the edge of the abyss, never give yourself a push, which is what all addictions are. But just because I don’t do all the bad habits, doesn’t mean I don’t understand the attraction of them sometimes. But if you’re never tempted, then you aren’t really behaving. Only those who are tempted and turn away, know that they are strong. Today, I will not take my temper out on anyone, not even myself. Today, I will not pull some bad habit around me like a warm blanket, and hide behind it. Today, I will experience my mood, and not self-medicate, or look away. An artist learns from their pain and their darkness, as much as their happiness and light. Never do anything that takes away your ability to feel it all. Good, bad; ugly, beautiful; happiness, sorrow; horror, awe: it all goes into the mix. I will let this rage wash over me. I will let it soak into my pores, and remember that the rage belongs to me; I do not belong to it.

(Let me add that medication for depression or anxiety is not a bad habit. If your doctor says you need it, you need it. Don’t let anyone else talk you out of what works for you; not even me.)

Making the lady scream

I’m feeling a little less than inspired today. I had my MRI yesterday. Not the most fun I’ve ever had, but not the least either. They gave me head phones and a choice of music to listen to, in an attempt to drown out the rather horrible noise of the machine. But somewhere in the middle of the CD, it stuck. It stuck in the middle of a drum solo. So, I was trapped, unable to move without risking ruining the image, with the noise in my ears now more irritating than the machine itself. Eventually, the technician realized what was wrong and fixed it, or maybe it was my careful, but plaintive bids for attention. Anyway, I don’t have to do that today. That’s a big plus.

I’m sitting at my main desk with several things to help inspire me scattered around where I can see them. A quote from Eleanor Roosevelt, "Do one thing every day that scares you." I’m wearing one of my favorite dog t-shirts. It has a Newfoundland on it. I find on days when I feel like I’m drowning, that it’s a good shirt to drag me back from the ocean, and get me safely ashore. I’m also wearing a button that I probably won’t wear out of the house, it reads, "My sexual preference is often." It made me laugh out loud when I found it in the card store. And I need both serious reminders like the Roosevelt quote, and laughter to get me going today. I also have a card Jonathon bought me; it’s one of those musical cards, and I’ve got it propped right next to the keyboard. What does the card play? "Wild Thing" ; the original sound bite by The Troggs. (Jonathon is off playing Indiana Jones Lego with Trinity. Besides, I think today I need the office to myself, or to free him up from hand-holding.) I also have the new cover mock-up of the cover for SWALLOWING DARKNESS. I don’t know if Darla has put it up, yet, but it’s way cool. I’ve put it by the computer to remind, and inspire me.

Just a few days ago looking at the cover made me feel pressured. I wasn’t quite finished and here’s the cover; ahhh! But my new attitude is to enjoy, rather than stress. Stress has become my natural state, but it wasn’t always like that. I want to enjoy my career again, not just treat it like a new stone in my back pack. Friday, we went to our favorite metaphysical store, and I was so despairing about finishing this one scene that I got candles to help me renew my passion in my job. (Most people use "passion" candles for relationships issues, but that’s working just fine. A flesh and blood husband is much easier to be inspired by than imaginary friends on paper.) But the thought was right. I need to renew my passion for my craft. I need to rediscover those small pleasures you take. In an effort to do this, one of the things I did when I was editing Merry was to mark sentences or paragraphs that I thought were really nice, and make a list of them. It was a way to remind myself that I’m pretty darn good at my job, and I really do enjoy it. Sometime closer to the book release I’ll do a blog with the bits and pieces. Though I had to be careful that they aren’t bits and pieces that will give anything away. SWALLOWING DARKNESS is a very plot thick book. I’ve been so busy writing and editing, that I’ve forgotten why I wanted to do this in the first place. Love.

I love to write. I love my characters, my worlds. I love discovering new things about old imaginary friends. I love building a world that never existed, and having my literary creations go from just words on paper to actually being real enough that I miss them if I haven’t been writing them in a few months; the way you miss a friend you haven’t gotten to talk to. I’ve allowed deadlines and the pressure of success (and anyone that doesn’t think that is pressure, wait until you get there), to steal away the pleasure that I once took in my work. Well, no more. I am going to try and recapture the joy I once felt. It’s still in me, when I stop panicking. When I finish the edits on this book, I’ve promised myself a few days off before I head back into the next Anita book. I don’t know what I’ll do with time off, and the problem is that it’s not really time off, anymore. I can stop work on a book, but there is always the comic book, interviews, questions from editors, my agent, just all the people that are coming into my circle of business. I love all the possibilities that are coming my way, but I need to be able to embrace them with joy, not stress.

I’ll leave you with a quote, "The maker of a sentence launches into the infinite and builds a road into chaos and old night, and is followed by those who hear him with something of wild, creative delight." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Gosh, that sounds almost intimidating for me and a blank screen, so let’s do one more quote. "Don’t say the old lady screamed - bring her on and let her scream." -- Mark Twain.

That’s better; I can do that. I’ll try for the infinite road into chaos and old night, but in the end, no matter how pretty the prose, if the reader can’t hear the screams, smell the grass, and feel the blade edge so clearly, that they fear they may get cut, too, then it’s all for nothing. Be pretty, hell, be beautiful in your writing, but remember, always, that if the reader can’t feel it, taste it, touch it, smell it; then it’s just pretty words, when what you want is the world to be so real it breaths around the reader. You want them to startle when the lady screams, as if she were standing right behind them.

Okay, I’m back to being intimidated, but it’s still the truth. I’ll go try and make my lady scream.

More edits, and the Olympics

Edits still not quite done. Migraine waylaid me. A little better now, but even the opening ceremonies of the Olympics can’t make me feel well enough to keep powering through all this. I’m so tired I was falling asleep, and fighting to stay awake has made my stomach begin to conspire with my head, to tell me it’s past time for bed. But, I did watch our team march across the field. No matter how you feel about certain politics and environmental issues, China’s opening show was spectacular. The next country to host the Olympics is going to have a very high bar to top for the opening moments.

I’ve tried to write more, twice, but I’m too tired to discuss politics in detail, or environmental issues when I’m feeling this bad. I’m too bed. I used all my stamina getting the edits almost done today.

Good News, Bad News

It’s been a good news; bad news kind of day. Good news; I’m out of my leg brace. Bad news; it’s not healing up the way the doctor would like, so I’ll be needing an MRI. There maybe something torn in my ankle, or not. We’ll find out. She said something about needing to be "repaired". Isn’t that doctor speak for surgery? That gentle hint is going to make me hit my physical therapy with renewed vigor, and get that last piece of exercise equipment the doctor thought would be useful.

Good news; Jon and I have finished the edits all the way to the new more punchier end line that I came up with today. Bad news; I still have three brand new scenes to do. They have to be done tomorrow. They have to be good, no, amazing, and done, and it all has to be e-mailed to New York before close of business tomorrow. Oh, and there are like a list of research questions that are still outstanding. Military radio protocol, what rank would most likely be in certain jobs, armored vehicles, and the difference between military and civilian humvee; just some of the questions I need answers to tomorrow. Most of them are yes, no questions, or just one last chance to try and get it right before it goes to New York.

Oh, and why am I needing all this military research on a Merry book? I got to do a lot of fun stuff with SWALLOWING DARKNESS, that I’d never gotten to do in a Merry book. In fact, I really thought Anita would get to play with the National Guard first, but nope, my fairie princess has beat my vampire executioner to the military back up. Surprised me, too.

Edits

Jon and I are finishing up the edits for SWALLOWING DARKNESS for the day. I’m so tired my eyes burn. What is Jon doing? Acting as sounding board, and typing in my handwritten notes. Though, on long notes, I am actually typing them on the lap top and he’s importing them to the desk top. It is the first time I’ve edited where I found typing on the computer worked better than just writing by hand. Maybe I’ll embrace this whole technology gig some day.

I’m hoping we can finish tomorrow. It would be really, really nice to enjoy tomorrow’s date night, by doing something other than working through it.

Krav Maga

Jon and I went to an introduction Krav Maga class today. We’d done our research, and this is one of the best fighting styles for personal defense. It’s a real world martial of the Israeli Defense Forces. It’s also very popular with professional bodyguards. So, all and all, a good pedigree, so why are we probably not going back for the foreseeable future?

One, I’m still in a brace for my ankle and will be for all exercise until my doctor says otherwise. There are just loads of Krav Maga moves that I either can’t do, or the discomfort level is pretty high. Jonathon discovered at the end of the lesson that his bad knee was giving him fits. We both agreed that we have to be in better shape to do this martial art. But, for me, there was also the feeling that my dexterity score does not cover this. I felt completely out of my depth, and the instructor, though very nice, and competent, didn’t seem to make much allowance for the fact that some of the class didn’t know what the heck was going on. I suspect strongly that he is one of those natural athletes, the only problem with anyone who is a natural at anything is that they aren’t as good at explaining their art to those of us who are so not naturals. I would need private instruction, which they offer, just to get up to speed enough to be comfortable in the class. But also, I found that my years of doing one martial art or another had taught me bad habits. I kept trying to punch as if it were Karate of some flavor, and it’s more like boxing for the hands, and even the feet. My foot work was okay, because the stance is closer to Judo, my favorite martial art, though the movement is more jujitsu, though not.

Anyway, Jonathon and I have to get off the injured list before we can reasonably hope to do something as physical as Krav Maga. Frankly, until we build up some muscle around our joint injuries, I think we may have to put the martial arts on hold. Weight lifting maybe boring, but I think it’s like building a house. You have to put the foundation on, before you can build the more interesting parts higher up.

We’ve done our research, and if you’re serious about real world self defense, and you aren’t on the injured list, or put together in a fragile manner, then Krav Maga would be a good martial art to look into. We’re waiting for Jon’s orthopedic knee brace to get fitted, and me to get out of the ankle brace. But for right now, we’ll keep going to pilates and adding yoga. And we’ll up the weight lifting. For the near future, more gentle exercise is going to have to be the order of the day.

Dark Knight

Saw Dark Knight. I’ve been hearing people brag about it, so maybe nothing could have lived up to the hype, but . . . Jon and I both thought it was slow at the beginning. Heath Ledger saved the movie for us, and he certainly deserves all the praise he has been getting for his performance. It is very sad that he will not be alive to receive the acclaim in person. His Joker is closer to the villains of horror films than comic books. He was as scary as Jason, or Freddy, or a host of others. In some ways, it was as if he was doing a slightly different and more disturbing movie than the rest of the cast. Christian Bale does a fine job, but the Caped Crusader is a hard act to make as interesting as the villains. All the actors that play Bat Man have to struggle with that age old problem of how to make good as fun to play as bad. Especially when you’ve got Heath Ledger’s Joker to play against. When Ledger was on screen, no one else really existed. Though the actor who played Harvey Dent, Aaron Eckhart, did a wonderful job, too. His hospital scene opposite Ledger’s Joker was a chilling moment. There are many fine performances, and great stunts, and lot’s of special effects, and money on the screen, but . . .

Go see it, if for nothing else than Ledger’s Joker. Amazing. But, for us, it just didn’t have the impact of Batman Begins. Not sure why, really, but it just didn’t. In fact, if I was listing the summer movies in order of preference, this might be last. But then, it’s been a great summer for movies. Wall-e; Kung-Fu Panda; Wanted; Indiana Jones; Iron Man; Hancock;The Hulk; a great summer for movies. I guess, if I was listing movies that would be my order, but as I type this, I realize that I might put Dark Knight ahead of The Hulk. The Hulk is a more satisfying movie, but I don’t know when I’ve seen a more satisfying and disturbing character performance than Ledger’s the Joker. Jon would put Iron Man higher on his list, and it is a great movie. We saw it twice, which I cannot say for anything else on the list. We will own it when it comes out on DVD.

Oh, and the fact that I put Hancock ahead of both The Hulk and Dark Knight . . . Hancock was a flawed movie, I won’t argue that, but the story line was ambitious, and after days of thinking about it, I can’t figure out how to fix the big twist in the movie, without giving it all away. If I can’t figure out to do it better, I try not to bitch. Also, Will Smith can carry a movie on his back, up a hill in a snow storm; and make you applaud the whole way. Sadly, Heath Ledger was becoming that kind of star, too. With his early passing, we lost a lot of potential screen magic.

Happy Lammas

Still editing SWALLOWING DARKNESS. The line by line edit is always the most time consuming. It’s always more fun to work on first draft then the painstaking polishing. Though, there are writers that prefer the polishing to the first draft. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.

Today is also Lammas, which is a festival for our religion. It’s the celebration of the first harvest. Some Wiccan traditions celebrate it on the first of August, but one of the benefits of being eclectic is that if the second of August works out better, then you can celebrate on that day. Traditional for us is to look at what we’ve harvested at this point this year, and celebrate and be thankful for it. I usually end up including all the usual things, marriage, husband, kid, pets, and the latest book, or project. What have you harvested so far this year? Lammas is the first check of the year, to get you paying attention to what you’ve accomplished, and what you still hope to accomplish this year, and celebrate what you have already brought into your life. Celebrate what you have already harvested for the year: friendship, money, new car, whatever means something to you. No judgments on that. Be honest with yourself, what are you grateful for, what do you want badly enough to put work and effort into it? The next time to check your hopes and goals for the year will be Autumn equinox, also known as Mabon. Wiccan year, actually ends for our tradition on Halloween. All Hallow’s Eve is the end of the year for us, so by Mabon, whatever we’re planning to accomplish better be close. The idea that the year ends then, is based on the old idea that you better harvest everything you can by then, because Winter is coming. This day and age, you can have fresh tomatoes in February, but they don’t taste as good. We bought some heirloom tomatoes today, organic and pure as we could find them and not grow them ourselves (though we’re thinking about trying that next year), and we tasted the sun in every bite. More than any other fruit or vegetable a good tomato is the taste of summer for me. I’ll leave you with a blessing:

"When we eat the good bread, we are eating months of sunlight, weeks of rain and snow from the sky, richness out of the earth. We should be great, each of us radiant, full of music and full of stories. Able to run the way clouds do, able to dance like the snow and the rain. But nobody takes time to think that he eats all these things and that sun, rain, snow are all a part of himself."

-Monica Shannon (1905-1965)

The quote is from the book, BLESS THIS FOOD, ancient and contemporary graces from around the world,, compiled and edited by Adrian Butash.

Will I break?

I’ve worked on the rewrite of SWALLOWING DARKNESS all day. I’m damn near cross-eyed from it. Got to take a break. I’ve just finished walking my office back and forth until I got my pedometer to go over 5,000 steps. I find that it’s better to keep track of your step count than your time walking. I’ve really missed my treadmill time. Today was the first time I actually allowed myself to "exercise" walk. My ankle is letting me know that it’s still not well. I see the doctor later next week. Still wearing the brace most of the time, but I’m much better. Not nearly as painful.

But the walking, though making my ankle ache, made the rest of me feel better. A little more clear headed, and not so fuzzy. Rewrite is due next week, so probably will work some this weekend. Not a lot, but some. I found a quote that I’ve put near my computer on the main desk: "There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what you want, and after that, to enjoy it." Logan Pearsall Smith.

I’m pretty good at the first part; it’s the second part I’m not so good at. But you know what they say, the first step to learning a new habit, or getting rid of an old one, is to acknowledge the need for change. I need to change. Because if you don’t allow yourself to enjoy your success, you become a sort of slave to it. There are days when I feel like Marley from Charles Dickens’s "A Christmas Carol," you know when he shows up with all the ghostly chains. Now, his chains are formed of greed and cruelty, and that’s not my problem. But chains can be made up of anything that weighs you down, and my lack of enjoyment does just that. A work ethic is great, but you also need to enjoy yourself, or what are you working for?

Remember when I talked about us watching the movie "Real Genius" last weekend? This next bit is a spoiler, but the movie has been out since 1985, and so, I guess it’s not like I’m doing spoilers for "Dark Knight", but be warned, the next part is a spoiler. Ready?

There are two main characters of the movie. Val Kilmer’s character, Chris Knight, was once the best and brightest at a college that specializes in geniuses, but now there is a fifteen-year-old wunder-kin, whose supposed to be as bright or brighter. But Chris isn’t jealous, he asks to room with the kid. Why? Because, he feels that once he was Mitch, the kid, played by Gabriel Jarret, and he wanted to room with his old self. The kid is very buttoned up, and very, very serious about his work. Chris is not. In fact, he’s a party guy, and the life of the party. He spends the early part of the movie trying to get Mitch to lighten up, and uses another older genius that broke under the pressure as a warning to Mitch, and himself, that if you don’t lighten up, you break. So far, so good, but then Chris’s character’s behavior endangers his entire future. His partying ways, and his neglect of his work threatens to loose him a chance to graduate and the job he thinks is already his after college. It takes Mitch’s help to save Chris’s future. By the end of the movie Mitch is enjoying his life more, and has a girl friend. Chris is still having a good time, (look for the bunny slippers at the end), but he’s also realized that maybe a little work and seriousness has it’s uses. The message that I took away from the movie was that if you’re too serious, you go nuts, and have no fun, but if you have only fun, you throw away everything, and end up with nothing. It’s the middle ground between the two extremes that is successful, and enjoyable.

I have to say, I finished the movie and wondered if I was Mitch? I’ll never be Chris. I’m far too serious for that. Besides, I knew guys in high school and college that were like Chris (without the genius part), and I found them shallow and insincere. Or that’s how they hit my radar. Truthfully, like the two characters in the film I found that the party guys needed a little of Mitch’s sincerity to make me be interested in them, but the Mitchs of the world needed a little of that lightness to keep the two of us from being so serious it wasn’t any fun to date each other. I need a man who makes me laugh, and can take me out of myself, because I live in a world that can get very dark, and very, very serious. Some people think that’s what being a grown-up means, but it doesn’t. If you’re careful, you can be pretty much the same person as an adult that you were as a child. I was a very serious child. I am a grown-up that gets paid for sitting alone in a room and playing with my imaginary friends. I just write down my games now, and share them with you guys. But, in the end, I get paid to play let’s-pretend. I was doing the same thing at seven, though admittedly, with a less adult content.

But somewhere in all that "play" I’m struggling to have fun. When did my "play" become just work? When did I cross the boundary from Chris-land and slide back into Mitch-world? Where is my middle ground? One of the reasons that Jon and I work is a couple is that he is better at having fun than I am, so he helps me lighten up. I help him be more serious, and work better. It’s a balance. But lately, he can only lighten me up so far, and I’m left with the thought: am I Mitch at the beginning of the movie, and if I don’t get a little more Chris Knight in me, will I break?