Phouka's Home

Phouka is home and she’s fine. There was lot’s of work done today, but frankly, in the grand scheme of things that our Phouka-dozer is home and gazing up at me, hoping for treats, is the best thing of the day. Tomorrow I’ll talk about writing, or maybe ring tones, and other technology, but today, it’s all about the dog.

Oh, why the nickname Phouka-dozer? Because since she went blind she will barrel along full tilt until she hits something, then stagger back, shake it off, and keep going. She’s darn near taken us all out individually by hitting us in the legs at just the wrong moment.

Worried

Deep into the rewrite of SWALLOWING DARKNESS. By next week it should be done and back to New York. I’m about 380 pages into the next Anita book. I hope to have a title soon. Let you know when I know.

I’ve written and rewritten the bottom half of this blog four times now. I give up. I keep over sharing, or letting my mood drip all over the page. I’ll take my mood to bed, and leave you with my worry. Phouka goes in for her operation tomorrow, and I can’t convince myself that it will be all right. Hopefully, when I blog tomorrow it will be in a lighter frame of mind, and my dog will be downstairs recovering.

A little worried

Phouka is sleeping beside my desk chair. This is the longest she’s been in the new office at any given time. Maybe she’s finally getting used to the new landscape. When she first started coming up here, her tail would uncurl, (a sign of an unhappy or over heated pug) and she’d be very tentative about walking around. For those who don’t know, Phouka went completely blind before the edition was put on the house, so she is totally unfamiliar with the new office. She would stand in the middle of the floor with her unhappy tail, and wait to be rescued. But today, after I carried her up the scary stairs, she settled into one of the dog beds, then began to wonder the office, as she usually does. But, her tail was up in a happy curl, and she bulldozed her way into and through obstacles. There was nothing tentative to how my very solidly built little dog moved around the room. It was more the way she barrels through the main part of the house. Now she’s asleep beside my chair, and it is the first time she’s gone to snoring sleep beside me in the new office. I’m glad she’s finally settling in, because on Thursday she goes in for an operation. There’s a mole on her tummy, that we were worried about, and of course, it’s nothing to worry about. It’s the lump on her leg that is something to worry about. We knew that was there, but the first time the doctors looked at it, they weren’t worried, now they are. They’re removing both the mole and lump this week. Phouka is twelve this year, and pugs can have breathing problems anyway, so I’m a little nervous about her going in under anethsia. All right, a lot nervous. It probably has something to do with Pugsley, my first pug, dieing during a routine operation. She was only eight. What killed her though was an undiscovered heart malfunction that she’d had since birth. That is why all of our dogs get a full heart work up as puppies, just in case. Sasquatch actually did have a heart murmur as a puppy, but it healed itself, as small ones sometimes do, on people as well as animals.

So, I’m sitting here with my dog beside me, a little anxious. She’s got her head resting on the leg of my chair, and though I’ve done eight pages, and would love another cup of tea, I’m reluctant to get up. I don’t want to disturb her the very first time she has settled into my office as if it were the old office, and she was at home again. She’s snoring away, as a well bred pug will do, and I really, really want her to be around as long as Jimmy was. He made it to seventeen. That would be like five more years. That would be cool. The only real downside to dogs is that they don’t last long enough.

Girl Bonding

Sunday Kathy and I went out for some girl bonding. It was only last weekend that Robin and I got to visit, and now more girl time this weekend. I could get used to this. I truly think that I had forgotten how important it is to have girlfriends to talk to. No matter how wonderful my husband and my male friends are, they don’t quite get it. Just as I have to accept, that there are things in the guy world that I’m just not going to get because I’m a girl. That’s not a bad thing, or a good thing, it’s just a thing.

Kathy and I went shopping. I’ve never been very good at shopping. I shop like a guy. I have my list, or my goal. I get in, I get out, I’m done. I do not want to browse. I do not want to take my time. Let’s get going! But yesterday I got it. Kathy and I both acknowledged that it wasn’t the shopping that we were primarily interested in; it was the socilization. It was a chance to talk, just us, without having to worry about kids or husbands, or even other guy friends. Nothing personal to all the very good friends I have that are male, but sometimes you just need an estrogen fix. We did see Charles briefly, when he met us while we were having lunch, so I guess it wasn’t a testosterone free trip, but then that’s okay, too.

(We had a disturbing guy that was paying too much attention to us in the restaurant. Not enough to be trying to pick us up, but just watching us too much. That’s creepier, frankly. I noticed him, told Kathy, but she’d noticed already. When he left the restaurant, he sat in his car, right beside our car for a long time. We both agreed that we would not be going out of the restaurant until he moved. Also, our cars were the only ones in the parking lot. The restaurant wasn’t busy, hmm. I would have just put it down to writing Anita, which makes me a little paranoid, but Kathy had picked up on him, too. Kathy is one of those girlfriends that notices her surroundings, too. It makes me not have to over explain. She just gets it. Maybe it’s years of being married to a policeman, whatever, I can do the short hand explanation and be ready to go. Because sometimes paranoid is just another word for being right. So, I must admit on estrogen bonding day, that the thought that Charles was joining us, was not a bad thought. Let me admit here, that I hate the fact that knowing a guy friend was coming, made me feel better about the situation. It pisses me off. But, I wasn’t carrying on Sunday. It’s a pain in the ass to have a weapon on you when you’re trying on clothes. I figured, how dangerous can it be, going shopping? Yeah, right. But I still hate, a little bit, that I was relieved that Charles was coming. Nothing personal to him, any man to the rescue pisses me off sometimes, but I acknowledge it, even if I don’t like it. But Kathy and I were fine. We’d noticed the man. We had decided on our precautions. He left before Charles even arrived. We were safe because of situational awareness, which is the greatest asset to your personal safety that you have. It’s better than a gun, or training, because situational awareness will keep you from having to use a weapon or try out those martial art’s skills. The best fight, is the one that never happens. Oh, and there are men that I wouldn’t be as happy to see if trouble happens. Some men, like some women, are just one more person to worry about. Again, part of this is me being deep into an Anita book, it screws with my thinking. I’ve said for years, I hope I never get mugged while I’m writing one of these books, because I am not Anita. I do not have her training, and I worry, every once in awhile, that I’ll forget that when it’s important.)

A side note to Shawn, in case he reads this: My hand to God, that if I truly thought it was dangerous, I would have called the police. I would never, ever, endanger your wife. Further more, if I thought it was that big a deal, but not quite to the calling the police phase I would have eaten my pride and either asked Charles to stay, or called you and Jon. I swear.

It was a hi, and buy, trip for Charles, because he was on his way to a family dinner. I think a relative was turning 85, which is pretty cool. But, I had driven the Foose yesterday, which Kathy and I both enjoyed. I love that throaty rumble, and the feel of the car in my hands. There’s only one problem with the Foose for a shopping trip when I don’t know where, exactly, I’m driving. It has no navigation computer. The MDX has one, and I relie on it, a lot. I’m pretty good in the country, but I get lost in the city. Even my own city.

So, Charles drew us a map for the store we were wanting. It was a good map. After he left and we went on our way, Cathy used the map to help me navigate. I suspect that we didn’t quite go far enough down the road we were on. That’s always been a problem for me when I’m going to new places. My nerves fail, and I am convinced I’ve gone too far, when usually I’ve not gone far enough, and if I was just patient and drove a little further we’d be where we need to go, but yesterday it wasn’t about the destination. Kathy and I both agreed, out loud, that even if we didn’t find all the stores we planned to visit, we were okay with that. It gave us longer to talk in the car where we didn’t have to worry about anyone overhearing.

Charles said, when I’d explained the problem earlier, which prompted him to do the map, that, "The Foose wasn’t supposed to be navigated; it was supposed to be driven." Fair enough, and what I’ve learned over the years is that you’re rarely, truly lost. Most of the time you can just turn around, and try again.

Shawn, Kathy, K and F, packed up the car and drove for home, but we were all a little more relaxed then when the weekend started. How many times can you say that about visiting family. Oh, didn’t I mention, that I’m Aunt Laurell to their kids?

Weekend with Friends

Shawn and his wife and kids came down to visit. Shawn and I figured out that our friendship is now old enough to have graduated college and be out on it’s own looking for it’s first job. His wife Kathy, who I’ve been informed I’ve been putting a C, where a K, belongs. I’ve only known her for about ten years. I vow to spell her name correct from this point on. But we have so many Cathys that we know, that some differentiation in e-mails and blogs, maybe necessary like having that room full of Jennifers and Jasons. I’m doing business with the grown up Jennifers these days. I think I’m talking to two assistants and one editor, though I think there’s a fourth one that just started somewhere, but she let’s us call her Jen.

Trinity was pleased that our visitors had kids for her to play with. Since I haven’t talked to Shawn if it’s okay to use his kids real name, I’ll do initials until I check. K is only a little bit older than Trin. F is several years younger. We all did the St. Louis Science Center on Saturday in the morning. We even visited Build a Dino, which is a subset of Build-A-Bear. Afternoon, the kids went off with grandma. They did lot’s of fun stuff including a movie. Charles joined us, for the visit, so much of the visiting was Shawn and he exchanging funny cop and military stories. They both have a gift for retelling an experience and making it even funnier. The adults got to sit around and talk without having to censor what we said for the munchkin brigade. All of you parents out there know what I mean, when I say, that it’s nice to just be able to talk, and not worry that you’re being overheard. Hell, it’s nice to be able to cuss without teaching anyone else your bad habits. No topic off limits, because of gentler ears. It had been a long time since we’d all got to sit around and talk like that. We owe grandma like flowers, or something.

Late in our grownup time, somehow we got on the topic of the movie Real Genius. All four of the other adults were quoting entire sections of dialogue. I had to admit I’d never seen the movie. Charles volunteered to go home and get it. Shawn went with him so that he could have an excuse to ride in the Skyline. Charles has been doing even more work on the car, and the purr of it’s engine is closer and closer to simply being a sophisticated growl. They probably also wanted to talk shop without any of us civilians around. No matter how good we are at talking cop or military when it comes down to it the three of us have never been there, never done that. Not for real. So, they got to go out and do guy bonding, while the three of us continued to talk about everything under the sun.

After the kids went to bed we all stayed up to watch the movie. It was as good as everyone said it was, and I’d forgotten how pretty Val Kilmer was back in the day. He’s still handsome, don’t get me wrong, but he was positively delicate. You don’t see that often in men. The movie came out in 1985, so the movie, like Shawn’s friendship with me is old enough to have graduated college and be employed. But, like all good movies, it holds up, and Jon has ordered a copy so we can own it. It was a good movie to watch as a group, and led us into more discussions about everything. We talked until Shawn had to call it since they were driving back home the next day. Charles went home and Jon and I finally went to bed ourselves at about 4:00. Little sleep, but well worth it.

Storm Tossed

I woke up at 1:00 AM with a roll of thunder that shook the house. One window shaking thunder roll I could have gone back to sleep after, but not concussion after concussion. It sounded like the damn storm was parked over the house. By 3:00 I was just trying not to toss and turn enough to wake Jon. He was sleeping just fine. I guess it’s fair, the last round of storms woke him. I guess we’re taking turns being on watch. By 4:00 I promised myself that if I was still wide awake at 5:00 I’d get up. I spent the next forty-five minutes planning the quietest way to get dressed and ready to go downstairs. The last fifteen minutes was spent waiting for the clock to hit the hour. Then, finally, it was time. I could get up.

I’m downstairs now. I managed to get dressed without waking Jon, so he can sleep until the alarm goes off. No reason for both of us to watch the sky lighten to blue. I started to write, no reason for both of us to watch dawn stretch across the sky, but that’s not what’s happening. The sky is growing blue, as if the black of night fades to blue. It’s not like night leaves and day comes, but simply the light grows, and color steals back into the world.

The only positive note I can find in all this, is that I have the house to myself. Except for the dogs, who seemed puzzled that it was still dark when I took them outside. Even Phouka seemed more disoriented than normal, and I know it’s not the darkness, since she’s now completely blind. It’s probably the rain from the storm. Darla and I decided a few months back that it washes away scent trails that Phouka must use to find her way around.

I can see the road now. It’s shiny and black, almost liquid with the remains of the storm. The grass and trees are that vivid swimming green that says you’ve either just had a storm, or you’re going to. The sky has skipped blue, and looks white. The world looks washed clean by the storm. Right now, I feel sort of bright-eyed and ahead of the day. Sometime today that feeling will begin to fade like the color of the sky as darkness will find it and begin to suck the color away.
Bright-eyed will turn to bleary-eyed, and my body will wonder where all that sleep I didn’t get has gone. But until then . . . I’m going to eat breakfast and hit the office early.

The Opinion is in

Glad everyone enjoyed the newest Pod cast. We’ve taken your suggestions into consideration. Votes are in, and the random sticky note off the wall is going to be a permanent part of the "show". The only complaint was that you guys wanted more than one sticky note per show. Greedy.

You also requested that you get news in the next Pod cast that hadn’t first been in the blog. I’m a little puzzled by that request, but I’ll see what I can do. You also wanted to hear us more often, and have a more regular schedule, so you’d know when it was coming. You also wanted a subscription button. Jon and Darla will work on that. Though, honestly I still don’t understand exactly what the button is, or what it does. It isn’t really about subscriptions; not exactly.

My goal is a Pod cast a month. I’ll try and do a news portion that’s different from the blog, but with me doing a blog almost every day, it’s a little hard to know what to talk about. I’ll work on it.

Thanks for everyone who got back to us, and let us know the majority opinion.

New Phone

I’m listening to My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult, "Sex on Wheels". It was one of four songs that made the short list for my choice of ring tones for Jonathon. One of the things that finally drove me to get a new uber techie phone was a desire for personalized ring tones. Shallow, true, but sometimes when you’re afraid of something it’s all about the fun. I’m intimidated by technology, but it was either get a phone that had a calendar, a to do list, the works, or continue to lug around the huge day planner. The one I found that finally worked was like a freaking hardback book. It was heavy and awkward to carry around. Jon and most of the people we work with on both coasts have blackberries, or some other uber tech phone. It takes the place of the huge day planner. I vowed I would learn to use the new phone. First, we went to the store and I chose the phone, not Jon. The mistake we’d made in the past was that Jon would choose something for me, and when we got it home I couldn’t work it. This time I made him not help me at the store at all, on the theory that if I couldn’t work it at the store it was not coming home with me. I am now the proud owner of a Palm Centro. It has a calendar, a to do list, and little alarms to help me remember things. I’ve carried it for several days, and I’m still happy with it. I can still work it. Cool.

Jon has had to help me a couple of times, or explain something that didn’t make intuitive sense to me, but overall it’s my phone. And the day planner can stay on my desk where it belongs.

Ambushed by the Muse

I came up to the office to write a quick blog, and go to bed. But I had this idea how to fix the scene that had alluded me all day. I was just going to make a few notes; honest. That was an hour and a half ago. Ten pages ago. A finished chapter, ago. Jon’s used to it by now. In fact, when I go back over to the main part of the house, he’ll know exactly what delayed me. He knows by now that there is no such thing as an innocent trip to my office. My imagination is always ready to ambush me. Sometimes on the computer, sometimes in the middle of the night with a frantic search for paper and pen by the bedside. That’s why I keep a notebook and pen on my side of the bed at all times. It helps my spouse be able to sleep through those nocturnal inspirations. I’m off to bed for real this time. I mean it. Besides, I’ve got my ten pages, I can go to bed with a clear conscience.

New Podcast & Flashpoint

We have a new pod cast up. Here’s the address so you can link to it. http://www.laurellkhamilton.org/Podcasts/podcast072108.mp3

We did a new format for the pod cast. We answered a few questions off the message board, but we also talked about what we’re doing that’s new. I think of the blog as the what I’m doing new, but apparently a lot of you have requested to hear about it in a pod cast. I don’t really think the dulcet sounds of my voice make the news all that much better, but if you guys do, then okay. We also announced the winners of our latest contest and did other new stuff. We’ll see what you guys think of some of the new format. If more of you like it, then we’ll stick with it. If you guys don’t care, then we’ll go back to just answering questions. Oh, and no loading the voting box. What do I mean by that? Don’t vote if you like, or don’t like something, then come back on line as a different "person", and vote again. One opinion per physical entity please.

I’ve been meaning to mention a new show on CBS that Jon and I have really been enjoying. FLASHPOINT is a new cop drama. It’s the best researched I’ve seen. There are moments of safety and protocol that I’ve never seen done in a fictional police show. Like, when a policeman shoots someone, even if it’s a good shoot, there is always a hearing of some kind. I cheered the moment that the police sniper put his safety clip around a metal piece before he crawled to the edge of the building. So nice to see the effort and the research on the screen. Now, I love crime dramas, and I love them even when it’s more fiction than fact. Hell, I love CSI, even though I know that you could make a drinking game out of how many times they pick up, move, or mess with evidence in a manner that would make it useless in court. But I watch the show faithfully, and just over look those flaws, as you sometimes over look the flaws of those you love. You enjoy their company even if they do have those irritating little habits. So far FLASHPOINT doesn’t have any irritating habits. Though the rookie did something in the second show that was pretty stupid, but I’ll bow to the whole rookie concept. They are doing a nice job of showing that your job, even if you’re on a police tactical unit is to de-escalate the situation, not escalate it.

More weekend, yea!

Twelve pages today. Yea! Jon finished up his double XP weekend on City of Heroes by getting two of his characters to level 20. They both have capes now. Again, yea!

We’ve watched Tivoed television and movies that we missed in the theater because of work. We’ll do a blog later and rate them, though frankly, it’s more about just being able to have the leisure to watch it all, then the quality sometimes. That’s it, I’m off to enjoy the end of our weekend. I hope you guys are having as much fun on yours.

A Day of Fun

Jon and I got to do a very couple thing today. No, not that. Geez. Jon got to do the guy thing and hide in his cave, by playing on a double XP weekend on City of Heroes. I got to do the girl thing and go out with, my good friend, Robin, and have girl talk at a nice resturant. Sometimes you have to quite fighting the sexist stereotypes and just embrace them. There’s a reason that some things become stereotypes, because there’s a grain of truth to them. Men, periodically, need time to do their hobbies, whatever they are, and have that time to themselves. Women need time to themselves, but what I needed most was that talking time. That talk about everything and anything with one of your friends that you can say anything to. If you’re lucky, as a woman, you have one of those. I’m very lucky, I have two. But only one is a girl, and when you bear your soul, sometimes you want girl feedback and sometimes you want guy feedback. Today was a girl day. Lately, I’m trying to find out what refreshes me. What helps me feed not just my muse, but me. I’ve really tried this week to do different things, other than work. You know what? I feel better.

I think I’ve discovered the mistake in my logic. I keep talking about feeding my muse, and nothing about what feeds me, as a person. I’ve looked at my muse and myself as one in the same, and maybe they’re aren’t. Or, maybe what feeds my muse, and what feeds other parts of me aren’t the same. It’s all about the work. The work is great, and I love it, but as any workaholic will tell you, if they’re honest, you begin to loose yourself. Well, my goal this year is to find me again. To figure out, if I can have a hobby that isn’t research related. To rediscover, what it is that makes me happy, that isn’t just about the writing. I’ve been trying to find things to make the writing work better, easier, faster. I think, today, I realized that I’ve been looking at it backwards. If it’s not just about work, then I have to find things to do that aren’t about work. Scary thought that. But, I think the right one. I’ve made a start this year with the trip to the Keys, and the Foose. But there’s more . . . work to do. See, even relaxing is approached like it’s work, but you know what, that’s okay. Think about it, if I put the kind of effort into having fun that I put into the work, well, God knows. We could end up having a hell of a lot of fun.

Mama Mia

Today was the first day that I got that endorphin rush from the writing since I sat back down to the new Anita book being the priority project. It felt pretty darn good. In fact, by lunch I had twelve pages and was done for the day. Very cool. In honor of it being summer, and me being done so early, we went out to lunch, then a movie. Trinity, Mary, and I, had wanted to see Mama Mia, and neither of our husbands were keen on it. So it was a girl’s afternoon at the movies. I mean that girl’s part because there were like three men in the entire theatre. It was pretty full, too. One young man with his girlfriend, and a couple of older husbands. I guess all the rest of the men were in seeing The Dark Knight. I think Jon and I are going to wait for a few days. The crowds look pretty serious.

Mama Mia was very fun. Meryl Streep was great. In fact, pretty much everyone was great. There are some huge dance numbers that are entirely too much fun. I haven’t this much beef cake in a movie that could dance, act, and have fun in a long time. The casting for the father’s was spot on. Pierce Brosnon was especially good. I didn’t know he could sing. I admit that there were moments when I felt I had too much testosterone for this movie. It is a woman’s movie, but it’s not a chick flick. By that I mean, a lot of supposedly chick flicks leave me cold. I just don’t get them. How to Make an American Quilt, left me puzzled. I usually feel that way about those kinds of movies, but Mama Mia was actually enjoyable all the way through. It’s interesting, what kinds of movies are marketed for women and men. I guess there’s no better example than Mama Mia and The Dark Knight. Like I said, I haven’t seen that one, yet, but even though I enjoyed the movie today, I was still a little puzzled. Not much, but a little. As much as I love my husband, and apparently, enjoy being married, since I’ve done it twice; I still don’t believe that the end all, be all for a woman is finding that perfect man and "getting" him to marry her. First of all, there is no perfect man, just as there’s no perfect woman. But, in this movie Meryl Streep’s character has done well on her own. She’s operated her own business, raised a daughter, and she’s doing okay. She’s not wasting away for anyone. I liked that.

Another interesting thing is the daughter, Sophie’s, desire to find her dad. Her belief that somehow that will make her life complete. I met my own biological dad three times. The last time I saw him, I was six, and it was my mother’s funeral. He had no part in my life then, or since, and I haven’t missed him. I’ve never felt the lack of a father. I felt the lack of my mother, because I knew and loved her, but my "father" was just some guy who married my mother, fathered a child with her, and then divorced her. Other than the genetic material, my father had very little impact on my life. We probably wouldn’t know each other if we passed on the street. My life is complete, I don’t need to find the owner of the ejaculation that helped make me. That’s almost a direct quote from the movie, the main character says, that she won’t be displaced, or outdone by an ejaculation, when the "fathers" show up. The story book ending, is just that story book. In real life, the long lost father is usually better long and lost. If you have the feeling that you’ve misplaced a part of yourself, then by all means go searching, but I find that fathers, mothers, that perfect job, that perfect house, whatever you think will fill up that empty space inside you, it’s not about anything outside yourself, it’s all about the inside part. You’ve got to fix what’s inside, before the outside world can help. You want to find what’s missing, look in the mirror.

Despair

I finished editing the older chapters, and now have nine fresh pages on the newest Anita book. The post book blues are getting a little better. Today was the closest to a normal mood that I’ve had since I finished SWALLOWING DARKNESS on Saturday. Still moody, still tender to the touch emotionally. Despair still nips at my heels, but it’s more like some yappy ankle biting dog. A few days back despair was more like a huge tiger that threw me to the ground and savaged me. It felt like a kind of death.

I said, "This feels worse than usual." Jon and Darla both, separately, said, "You always say that." Every emotion I’ve had, no matter how dark, they all individually confirmed, "You always do that." Hmm.

Darla says that it’s like baby amnesia. You forget how awful it is to be pregnant. You forget the pains of childbirth. You forget, until it all happens again. But, I didn’t get baby amnesia. One of the reasons Trinity is an only child is that I never got that rose colored glow about the process of how little human beings get here. Frankly, I don’t get a rosy glow about the process of books either. I’m a pessimist. That means that I remember the bad stuff. It’s the good stuff that fades for me. The positive that I have to work hard to remember. Bad stuff remains carved in crystal for me. The sound of screams, the sound of metal twisting against metal, the look in someone’s eyes . . . I collect the terrible like snapshots in my mind. I take the happy moments, and part of my mind thinks, what if? What if it all went horribly wrong? What if this happened, instead? My mind has worked that way almost as far back as I can remember. I was like this at five or six. A life time of looking at the dark, and seeing it even in the brightest sunshine. God, I’m still depressed. But it comes and goes, and as time goes on it will go more than it stays. According to everyone here, "I always feel like this after a book." How the f**ck do I stand it?

Preparing for the next race

I left a plot point hanging at the beginning of SWALLOWING DARKNESS. A big enough plot point that I couldn’t read it at the last Wolf Howl, because I needed to make those changes. I left it because I thought I might follow through with it, but in the end, it didn’t work. But it has hung over my head, so that when I typed THE END, I knew I had to change it. It was like finishing a marathon and realizing that I’d dropped my car keys somewhere along the route, and until I found them I couldn’t go home. It made the end, not really the end, because I knew even as I typed it, that I had more work.

Advice I give to new writers, and that I followed myself for years, and many books, is not to edit as you do first draft. Catch all that on the second draft. Good advice when you’re new, but now, I just hate finishing the book and knowing that things are hanging around outstanding that will have to be fixed. When I cross that finish line, I want it to be a true finish. In the interest of this, I edited the beginning of the next Anita book this morning. I’ve got the changes that were going to bug me the most smoothed out. The only change I’ll have to do after more research is the bit about phosphorus gernades. But I’ve fixed the things that were niggling at me, and would have needed changes not just at the beginning, but throughout the middle part of the book. That is no longer hanging over my head.

But part of this editing, is that I did something I’ve never done before. I started the next book, before the other was finished. I couldn’t seem to force myself to write more pages on Merry, but my muse and I weren’t done. So, I started on Anita. I got Merry done, and I’m well on my way to Anita. But, I had to stop working on it at some point and put everything I had into SWALLOWING DARKNESS. Not so I could do more pages a day, but so my imagination and my muse, and all of me could think, sleep, dream, of nothing but Merry. (Okay, I didn’t actually dream of Merry, but you get the idea.) I reached a point where even thinking too deeply about anything else was distracting from DARKNESS. So I gave myself over to that book, and only that book. That meant that I had a couple of hundred pages of a book that I hadn’t looked at in a while. So, I read it back over, and am editing as I go, just to get back in the swing of things.

I’ll be editing the next few chapters for police procedure, before I continue on. I’m pretty sure it’s not right yet, and some of the things that happen in these next chapters will potentially effect things deeper into the book, so now is the time to catch it. One of the reasons I can leave the grenades scene to be fixed later, is that nothing will build off of it. Rewrites get to be a bitch when the foundation that you’ve built the rest of book on has a crack in it. So, foundation first, then you build up. Now, having said that, if you are working on your first book I still think it’s more important to finish a rough draft, no matter how rough, first, before doing any rewriting. It’s so easy as a new writer to get caught up in perfectionism and polish those first few chapters until they shine, but you can get so busy shining up the beginning that you never finish the book. Finish the book, the rest can be fixed.

But for me, I need to crawl back into this book, and tuck it around me. I need to feel the sheets, clean and fresh against my skin. I need to remember where I was, and what we were doing. Mentally, it’s all there, but I don’t write from just the thinking bits of myself. I write from deeper in than that. So, this week to find my path again. This week to straighten up, and get things in order, before I open the spill gates and let chaos into my well-ordered fictional world. First to find out where I’ve been, then figure out where I’m going, and if it’s still the right destination, then the race is on. But this time when the race is done, I want to make sure my keys are in my pocket, and my car is waiting to take me home.

Post book blues

I’ve finished a book, which means I’m in my post book mood. That means, one minute I’m relieved the book is done, then next moment I’m so sad, it’s like a kind of depression. I always do this, after every book. It’s a little less because I’m so far into the next Anita book, so I’m not bereft of a project. But, it doesn’t go away completely. Having another book already well cooked does keep me from wandering from place to place like a lonely cloud on a windy day. It does keep me from going into Jon’s, or Darla’s office and taking up all of their time by just going in and talking, because I’m at loose ends. It does keep me from calling people up and wasting their time because I have no idea what to do with myself.

One of these days I’d like to finish a book and go on a trip the next day. Just get me out of town, away from the offices, and away from the scene of the crime, and to somewhere different. I wonder if that would give me something else to concentrate on. Strangely, I guess, I could do it, sort of, but it turns out that other parts of life interfer. This idea that writers can just pack up and go when and where they like doesn’t work for any writers that I know. You have other parts of your life and other responsibilities. Because I never know exactly when I’m finishing a book, it makes planning for those spontaneous trips a little difficult.

I’m out, we’re seeing a movie.

We’re back from the movie. We saw Wall-e. Trinity, Jon, and I, all loved it. One review said, finally a love story worthy of the name. All of us agree. Jon called it Toy Story and Monster Inc. good. Again, we agree. I cried for animated robots. I also smiled, laughed, cheered, and gasped, but I freaking cried for an animated robot. I have no higher praise for any movie than that it moved me through almost every emotion possible, and ended with us all agreeing that when it comes out on DVD we’ll want to own it. This is a good date movie, if you’re dating the right people, and if you aren’t what are you doing with them? It’s a great kids movie. A great family movie. It’s just a great movie. ’nuff said, we’re going to bed.

Hell Boy Rocks

The three of us, Jonathon, Trinity, and me, went to see Hell Boy II Sunday to celebrate being done with the first draft of DARKNESS. Friends Mark and Sarah met us there, with their son, John. It was sort of a double celebration, because he’d just learned he had his first job out of college, and it’s actually in his field, using his degree. That’s getting to be rare these days. (I’m not mentioning his degree or job in detail, because I haven’t checked with them that it’s okay to mention it here. I really try to err on the side of caution when it comes to talking about other people on the blog.)

We all loved the movie. I think it may be better than the original, which is not something you get to say about most sequeals. It’s so nice that Trinity is finally old enough to see more grown-up movies. It was interesting that we all got to bring our kids. Mark and Sarah’s "kid" just happens to be in his early twenties and taller than me. But then, most people are, taller. I became friends with them when John was three, I think. So cool that he’s all grown up now.

Jonathon and I went to see Get Smart on last week’s date night. I needed something light since the book was still not done at that time. That was also a really fun movie. I’m not sure it was quite as good as Hell Boy, but they are very different movies. But I can’t remember the last summer that I saw so many good movies, and had so many more that I was looking forward to seeing. Journey to the Center of the Earth is on my want list now. Dark Knight is this weekend, I think. The third Mummy movie has Trinity, Jonathon and I all saying, yes.

Done

I just typed THE END. 575 pages. We’re done.

It’s dark now, and the only light are the candles and the computer screen, like little islands of illumination in the darkness. I didn’t even notice it getting dark. I finished the book to Diary of Dreams, which Charles first played for us in Toronto. I’ll have to shoot him an e-mail thanking him for the music find. Of course, if Jon hadn’t had the tech skills to put it down on his iPod, I still wouldn’t have had it handy.

Jon and I took Trinity out to do the shopping I’d promised. I’d planned on finishing the book then doing the shopping. Glad I didn’t try and do it in that order, because I’d have been having to disappoint the kiddo. What time is it, anyway? Checked the clock, it’s only 9:00, which is pretty early for a marathon session for me. The latest I ever finished was 4 or 5 o’clock in the morning. That was the end of LUNATIC CAFE. So 9, that’s not bad. That’s like a full night’s sleep ahead of me. Cool.

But I’m done, I’m really done. Wow. Thank you God and Goddess, and I mean that. This book has kicked my ass.

Rolling the Dice

Seventeen pages yesterday. Fourteen today. Still not done.

So many choices. I am lost. Death has come at last. We stand bloodied and unbowed with the gore of our enemies on our face, and I am content. Merry would wish it were otherwise, but neither of us is bothered by what we’ve done, only trying to figure out what to do next.

I can feel the end, as if I have reached into a dark space, and am reaching as far as my finger tips can stretch. I feel something at the very limit of my reach. I know it is the end, but I cannot see it. I cannot feel all of it. I do not know it’s shape complete, but only in the few pieces I can touch. A corner here, a smooth edge there . . . It’s there, I can feel it, but it’s just out of reach, no matter how far I stretch my fingers, my hand, my arm, my shoulder. I shove myself against the hole, and try to grab a hand hold so I can drag it out of the dark and into the light. I am no longer worried about what shape it is, or what it may be, only that it is the end. I long for the end of this book. I beat against these last few pages like the bars of some cage. I want out!

I’ve been trapped in fairie long enough, and I want concrete under my feet, and buildings looming above me. Humanity has never looked so good to Merry and me as it does in this moment. If we could only decide which way to turn, what choices to make, but they are such final choices. Make a mistake here and Merry will be paying for it, for the rest of her days. For me as a writer, it will either simplify my life or complicate into a Gordian knot, that no sword will be able to cut through. I have to be so careful not to make choices that will simply make my job easier, but hurt the series itself. I’m so tired, so very tired. Hard to think clearly.

I broke for a few minutes to do the physical therapy for my ankle. I’d hoped that would help me choose, but I’ve sat down and feel just as muddle headed. I can’t decide. I just can’t decide. So frustrating. But I’m so tired, I don’t trust myself.

When I say tired, I don’t mean physically. Any writer that’s really tackled a big project will know what I mean, when I say that my mind is tired. That part of me that gets used when I write, is tired. I need something to recharge the batteries. Sometimes, just a few minutes of doing something else is enough. Sometimes, you need to walk away for a little longer, but I’m so close to the end that I don’t want to quite. I could finish today, damit, if I could only think my way clear.

I’m going to step away from the computer for a little while. I’d promised the kiddo a trip out today, if I finished the book, but maybe I’ll do the trip now, and hope to come back to the book refreshed. Or, I’ll come back to the computer with the book dead in my hands, having lost all the momentum I’ve fought for in the last two days. It’s like rolling the dice in Vegas. If you keep going when you’re hot, sometimes you break the bank, but sometimes you roll that one time too many and you loose it all. But until the dice hit the table, you don’t know whether it will be lucky seven, or snake eyes.

LKH Bit 07/11/08

Swallowing Darkness Preview Chapter, New Merchandise, Laurell Interview, Message Board, Comic News, Convention News, Newsletter, Giveaway!


SWALLOWING DARKNESS PREVIEW CHAPTER
I was hoping to have this up by now. But Laurell needs to make some adjustments to it so I cannot put it up quite yet. But as soon as I do, I promise to let everyone know.


NEW MERCHANDISE
We have a new wolf pin, a leopard and a tiger pin. The wolf and leopard come in pewter only; the tiger comes in pewter or brass.

It will come in a box. The Wolf will have the Thronnoes Rocke sticker on it. Still working on one for the Leopards and Tigers. But if you order it now, I will box it and mail you a sticker later if you like.

You can see them here:
http://www.laurellkhamilton.org/Merchandise/LKHJewelry.html


LAURELL INTERVIEW
Dragon Page did an interview with Laurell during her recent visit to Phoenix. You can hear it here:

http://www.dragonpage.com/2008/06/23...to-cover-315a/


MESSAGE BOARD
I did a bit of clean up on the message board, mostly on the top section. Any thread whose newest post was four months old got dumped. Also, some older threads that had run their course or were now irrelevant got dumped.

We took out the Comic Review section by Chris Nixon. He didn’t have time to keep it up.

We added a section for Writers Advice from Laurell. In it you will find advice for writers from the newsletter and blogs. I am putting it in sections so it is easier to find what you may want, including some really terrific links to other writers groups and organizations.






COMIC NEWS
Hardback volume #2 of Guilty Pleasures (issues 7-12) will be out July 22nd. Again, it will be available at Comic Shops and bookstores, though the comic shops will have a special cover only available at comic shops.

October 1, 2008 The Laughing Corpse issue #1 will debut.

Guilty Pleasures Comic Issue #7 is now available online at:
http://www. marvel. com/anitablake


CONVENTION NEWS
Really the con news is only relevant if you are planning on attending.

I do not yet have any info on when or what Laurell is doing. When I do I will share!

Laurell will NOT be attending ComicCon this year. Sorry! We just couldn’t fit it in.

DRAGONCON
We will have a booth! In the dealer hall (the International Hall at the Marriott Marquis) space A-55. We haven’t decided what we will be taking to offer for sale, but I am thinking on it. You may offer suggestions if you like.

Also, we will have goodies to giveaway to anyone who stops by (as long as supplies last) wearing an Anita or Merry something. Can be a t-shirt, jewelry, something you bought from us, from Café Press or just your own nifty handy work.

We will also try to have something for everyone who stops by or at least until we run out. Still working on this one, I have several ideas just gotta figure out which to do. Let’s hope I get it done on time!

Laurell will be in the parade. So if you want to march in the parade behind the car please feel free to join us. I will post details of when and where as soon as I have them.

ARCHON
Got this from the Archon folks:
Laurell K. Hamilton will be allowing us to raffle 6 tickets for a Sat. 5 pm – 6pm Kaffeeklatsch for her Charity.

Prices will be the same as the other raffle for the Masquerade special seating. The lucky names will be drawn on Saturday at 4 pm, at Convention HQ and posted there.

We thank Laurell K. Hamilton for the donation and we look forward to helping her Charity, The Wild Canid Research And Survival Center aka the Wolf Sanctuary.


We will NOT have a booth at Archon. Sorry!

NEWSLETTER
The summer newsletter is late. And it will be later yet! Sorry, having some problems on this end. But I will get it out as soon as I can.


GIVEAWAY
Okay, we have several things to giveaway. So I am going to do one of the new things a month until I get them all given out.

First up: these are skins. They go on IPod Nano’s. Don’t worry it is static that makes them stick. So you can peel them off and stick em on again and again.

I have 3 to giveaway. You may enter once for each of them.

So please follow these directions!

Enter by July 17th. Drawing for winners to be held July 18th.

You can enter one of two ways. Click here for the online form or just send an email.

Details below:

Send an email to: contest@laurellkhamilton.org

In the subject line indicate which you want. So please cut and paste one of the following:

Anita Blake Was Here – IPod Nano 3rd gen

Anita Logo – IPod Nano 3Rd gen

Asher – IPod Nano 1st gen

Body of the email needs to be your name and address.

We may be offering these for sale soon. We haven’t decided. I will post a poll on the message board at forum.laurellkhamilton.org and you can vote for whether we should offer them.

If you want to see them before you decide, you can find them here:

http://www.laurellkhamilton.org/Contest/IpodGiveaway.html

Devilish Details:
Non-US folks can enter. Prize will be mailed by First Class International Mail.
If prize for winner is returned by the Postal Service, alternate winner will be chosen!
Duplicate entries for a single item will be deleted.
Only one winner per email address.
You are getting the skin only. There will not be an iPod with it.


That’s it for this bit!
Smiles….Darla

Brace

A page today. Went to the doctor. I’m still in a brace, and will be for at least two more weeks. If I do the exercises she’s given me then maybe I can get it off then. If I wear the brace I can walk the dogs starting tomorrow. If I wear the brace I can get on the treadmill at low speed. I can go back to the weights, all with wearing the brace as part of the deal. She’d like me to walk in a swimming pool without the brace, but I actually don’t have one of those. Jon suggested the hot tub. It maybe big enough for a little water pacing.

What have I done to the ankle? Simply put, too many sprains and pulls in too short a space of time. Apparently, I have to stop being all guy about my injuries and be more girl. By that, I mean I actually have to follow doctor’s advice and behave myself. Sigh. But I can walk the dogs tomorrow. Yea! I can do weights tomorrow. Double yea! Two weeks of almost no activity has driven me nuts.

Catching up with my Muse

Not a good day for writing. The deadline being the end of last month means that I can’t afford to give myself the luxury of not working today. I can’t just sit for hours and stare at the screen and get nothing done and say, that’s all right. It’s not all right. But the longer I sit and force myself to work, and get nothing done, the harder it is to get anything done. Writing, unlike some work, is really effected by the mood of the worker. My mood is not good.

I’ve gotten out the fine china tea cups. The hand painted ones with the little mice on them, scenes from the children’s books set in Brambly Hedge by Jill Barklem. There are four or five books with beautiful illustrations. I bought the tea set years ago when the price of it was really more than I could afford, but I’ve loved it since I bought it. With all the dogs I don’t always use it for fear of tripping puppies, but today calls for hardcore cheering up. So, the Brambly Hedge tea cups it is.

I know that some of you reading this expect me to drink out of black china, or a gargoyle mug, but sorry most of my tea cups are either cute, wildlife images, or smart ass comments. I do have a big, black mug with white headstones all over it that I really like, but other than that I don’t have many scary mugs.

I’m too bummed for Christmas music. When I can’t find any music at all that pleases me, it’s not a good sign. I wrote to Ludo the day before, and that worked. Yesterday I wrote to Seether. I tried them again earlier today, but it wasn’t working. It’s as if I have to sneak up on myself to get me to work. Wait, that’s an idea.

Not the sneaking up part, but I think I know where the wheel came off my apple cart. I think I know, maybe how to fix this hole I’ve managed to write myself into. Maybe. I’m off to jump back two chapters and do a rewrite, to see if it fixes the problem. Keep your fingers crossed.

Oh, what’s the idea? We’re too close to the end to tell you without it being a spoiler. Sorry.

Okay it’s about hour or so later. I’d fought all day and had no pages to show for it. In an hour I have seven pages. I had to loose six of the pages I wrote yesterday, and they are gone. The scene just wasn’t working, and shoving against that brick wall wasn’t going to make it become a door. So, I backed up, and rewrote myself a door. I mean that metaphorically, you understand. There are no walls, or doors in this scene. We’re outside in this scene. I lost most of yesterday’s pages, but I got to keep one, and so I’m a page farther along. Also, I’m eager to do the next day’s work. In fact, I may try and do a few more pages while there’s momentum. Maybe, or maybe that would just be asking for trouble. You know, trying to push beyond where your muse has a flashlight, so that you wonder around in the dark without a light, or a path. I feel like I’ve been running too far ahead of my muse this book, so that she keeps having to catch up with me, or shoot up a flare so I can find her. Having found my muse in the maze once more, I’m sticking to her. Handcuffs anyone? Oh, no . . ., she’s offered to hold hands if I need it, but she’s definitely frowning on the handcuffs. In fact, she’s tsking at me, that maybe the idea of force is part of my problem with this book. Every time I try to force myself beyond where my muse is ready to go, we slow, or stop. Maybe it’s a hint I should finally take. I whine at her about my deadline, and she just looks at me, with those knowing eyes. You guys know the look. The look a woman will give you when you love her, and she’s just caught you doing one of those stupid-boy things, but she loves you anyway. My muse loves me, but sometimes I’m a little too guy for my own good. Other times, it’s all that saves me.

Some progress and a new car

Seven pages today. The scene only half done. Which means tomorrow’s writing session will be the second half of this scene and not the scene after. That means that I am creeping towards the finish, rather than walking. Running has been left so far behind that I don’t remember how to do it.

On the plus side we bought a new car today. We traded our Acura MDX in for a new model. It gets better gas mileage than the SUV hybrids and we’ve always been impressed with the number of people, or cargo, it carries. We thought about getting another impractical car like the Foose, but we’ve had too many days when we’ve needed the cargo space. The trips for plants for the yard would have been impossible in one of those sporty, fun cars. Not to mention road trips with more than two friends. I have to say, I have been totally spoiled about cars. I’d be much more excited if the new SUV were one of the totally impractical cars we’ve been looking at in the magazines and on line. But the next impractical car has to be Jon’s choice. I’ve got my Baby. If we do break down and get something else fast and muscle bound it’ll have to be Jon’s baby.

Before the Foose I owned an Acura TL and was very happy with it, thank you. But some cars, like some men, spoil you for the rest.

Hellboy Bound

Nine pages today. Still not done, but instead of beating myself up about that, I’m going to pat myself on the back that I made progress. I’ll estimate five more work sessions to the end of the book. We’re looking at six hundred as the next hundred page mark. It’ll be under, but I’m no longer sure how much under.

Darla had a meeting on the phone about the publicity for the book I’m not done with yet. Always, a nice reminder that the wheels are turning, and time and tide are not waiting. Jon had to do part of his job he hasn’t had to do in several books. He had to baby sit me. What does that mean? It means, that he sits in my office at a different desk and basically I turn periodically and get reassurance that it’s okay. What’s okay? Me, I guess. Strangely, I didn’t need that much reassurance. By afternoon the book was ready to be written. I’ve totally let Merry have her head, and end the book as she pleases. I’m still waiting for my bloodbath, but Merry has other ideas. It’s her book, and her life. I just work there. I don’t have to live there, so who am I to complain?

We watched the first Hellboy movie tonight after dinner. Trinity was wanting to see the new one in the theaters, but I wanted to be sure she was cool with the first one before we all went out to the movies. She loves scary stuff, which is probably my genetics, but she also some issues that are closer to her father’s take on spooky stuff. My ex never enjoyed horror, at all, even mild scary stuff turned him off. I know, I know, how’d he end up married to me, right? Just one of life’s little ironies, I guess. We both read science fiction and fantasy. How different could our tastes in the field be, well, as it turns out pretty different. I think he was as surprised by the violence and darkness of my writing as I was at his lack of sympathy for it. He loved NIGHTSEER, and he did read GUILTY PLEASURES, but he didn’t read another Anita book until our marriage was actually breaking up. The idea was that if he read some of my books it might give him some insight into me. Marriage therapists, they’re a hoot.

I’m not sure I’d want anyone to read my books and try to use that as a plan to stay married to me. But, at the time, I didn’t have any better suggestions.

Trin thought Hellboy was cool and scary. So, Jon and I can take Trinity to see the new movie. If I finish the book this week, we’ll celebrate with a family outing to see a demon that’s chosen to be a good guy save the world from yet another apocalypse. Sounds like fun.

work stoppage

I’ve been sitting here for awhile typing away, and not doing myself much good. Yes, I’m past deadline, but Merry takes more out of me than Anita, and this book has been low page count. I did ten pages this morning. I should be celebrating. Instead I’m beating myself up because my muse and I are done for the day. We are stick a fork in us, honey, done. I feel like a dried up pool, and if I keep trying to get water out of the mud, come tomorrow morning it’s just going to be dry dirt. So, I’ve tested my understanding with Jon, and had my ephinay. I’m done for the day. Ten pages is great, especially for the rhythm of this book. So, I’m off to do something else. I’m off to see if I can find things to put some water back in that dry pool. Writing is so different from other jobs. It really is about filling up that well of ideas and energy. Right now, I’m shoveling from the bottom, and I need a fill up. So, we’re going to get me out of the house for awhile and see if I can relearn how to take a deep breath.

Work

Nine pages yesterday. Good visit with our friends. Jon burned meat on the grill. Yummy steaks and hamburgers.

Ten pages today. Lunch finally. Then back to it. I think, I hope, I pray, I can finish today, though it will probably be a late night finish. Looks like I’ll be getting out my NINE INCH NAILS CDs tonight. Today, it’s all about the Christmas music.

Fourth of July is for work

Happy 4th of July, everyone! The birthday of our country is something to celebrate. Traditional is fireworks and cooking meat outdoors, or going to large crowded areas to ride rides, and eat fair food, and watch fireworks as night falls. Here in St. Louis the big event is Fair St. Louis downtown by the Arch. Everyone have a good time, but Jon and I are not going anywhere near that many people today. If crowds are your cup of tea, then enjoy, but it’s not for us. In fact, we’re not even burning meat until tomorrow, when we’re having a few friends over. Next year, we may try to widen the invite and have more people, but I knew not to do it this year. Why?

Because, my goal for the three day weekend is to finish SWALLOWING DARKNESS. My work session will not end tonight until the wee hours, unless I finish sooner. If today doesn’t get it done, then tomorrow all day until our friends arrive will be more work on the book. If it’s not done tomorrow then Sunday will be a marathon session. The book was due the last day of June, so I’ve missed my deadline. I don’t normally do that. I can’t go back in time and fix it, so I’ll do what I can, which is work my ass off, and get the book done this weekend.

What are Jon and I doing to celebrate the holiday? We slept in this morning. Between being sick this week, and still having the soft tissue damage to my leg, it’s been a physically trying week. I think extra sleep was just what the doctor ordered. Usually I can’t sleep in much, and if I do I feel sloggy, but today we slept in until almost eleven and it was great. A nice, slow morning, breakfast for lunch, which always feels sort of decadent, then I almost got caught by the marathon their running of LAW AND ORDER, but luckily I had to call and confirm for tomorrow with my friend Mark about when he and his family are coming over, and to concentrate on the conversation I had to turn the television off. Simply not turning it back on worked wonders for that magical draw that the T. V. can have on me sometimes. It’s especially alluring when I don’t want to write and know I have no choice, but to work. So, a slow start to the day, but I’ve already read over what I had on the book, and there’s nothing wrong with it, except my head had gone ugly that day. I find that true most of the time. When you’re really being negative in your head, and the editor on your shoulder, as Barry B. Longyear, called it, is too loud, then just step away. Let yourself cool down, and the next day dawns brighter.

The cool down was a movie last night. Jon and I met Charles at the theater and saw WANTED. We laughed out loud, and found it just way too much fun. But be warned, we were the only three people laughing at much of what seemed utterly humorous to us. So, bear in mind that your humor mileage may vary. Also, the violence, though some is pure movie physics, is more realistic than you may be used to seeing. Realistic enough that I spent a good portion of the movie pressed back in my seat, going, "Oh, ah," and ,"Oh, that’s gotta hurt." It wasn’t an edge of your seat movie. It was a press back away from the screen, gripping hard, and flinching movie. Some of the stunts made me do that thing where you move in your seat with the action, as if your moving with it. I can’t remember the last film that made me do that. So, three thumbs way up from us. Though, it is not kid safe, let me just be clear on that. Trinity is not seeing this movie anytime soon.

We did take her to see KUNG FU PANDA last weekend and it was a blast. Very fun for her, for us, and for our friends Pili and Kari that went with us. It’s a very positive, upbeat movie. You come out feeling good about the movie, yourself, and it’s just hopeful. There are lines I would quote, but I’m not sure if they would be spoilers. But we all came out quoting lines to each other, and Jon and I would be willing to see it again. This was Trinity’s second time to see it, and she was perfectly happy to repeat it. There aren’t a lot of movies that wear that well through a second viewing. This one Jon and I liked it enough that we know we want to own it when it comes out on DVD.

Okay, I think the read over of SWALLOWING DARKNESS has percolated enough in my mind. I’m going to go back and get a few sentences, maybe even paragraphs, then I’ll break for a late lunch, then back to work. What’s Jon doing today? He’s playing computer games, reading books, and basically enjoying the fact that no one is here but us, and that this is one holiday that everyone seems to take off, so there’s no work to do. A quiet day to putter, and be cheerfully anti-social is sometimes a very refreshing way to spend a day. Or so, Jon and I both feel. I’d be joining him for the cheerful anti-social thing, but the book doesn’t write itself. Where are those book writing fairies when you need them? Oh, wait I’ve got all of my imaginary fairyland waiting for me to sit back down and finish up.

Writing groups

We keep getting asked how to tell if a writing group is a good group. First, are people actually writing, or just talking about writing. Talk is great, and if all you want to do is hang out with other people that want to talk about writing that’s fine, but be wary. Writers don’t just talk about writing; they write.

Second, sometimes it’s hard to be in a group if you write genre of any kind. A lot of writing groups are sort of snoppish. Any group that tells you that what you want to write is bad just because it’s horror, or science fiction, or romance, or mystery, or any other genre, is not the group for you. Don’t let anyone talk you out of what you know in your heart is what speaks to your muse. If the group doesn’t approve of your type of writing, then find a different group.

Third, beware of sharks. Sharks are people that are just in the group to draw blood. They do nothing but criticize in the most vicious terms. They say they’re giving you constructive criticism and trying to help, but trust me, sharks are interested only in destruction and hurting. Some sharks throw off all pretense and begin to attack the writer personally, and not the writing. These are people that are only interested in causing you pain. Any group that tolerates people like this you do not want to be a part of.

Fourth, the group that only says good things. If you’ve written something good, then it’s nice to know, but no one is perfect, especially at the beginning. If you get nothing but praise then you can’t improve your writing, because you don’t have any feedback telling you what your weaknesses are. But true constructive criticism is just that construtive. It contains solutions to help you fix things. It doesn’t just bitch at you.

Fifth, the dominant personality. Beware of a group where one, or two people, but usually one, does all the talking. They’re opinion is the only one allowed, and their critique is the only one that counts. If anyone disagrees with them, they get shouted down, or humiliated until they give up on giving an opinion that is different from the dominant person. Most of these people are just in the group to make themselves feel wonderful, usually at your expense, and they tend to have one, or two, members of the group that are simply there as their Greek chorus. A sort of, "Yes, Sophocles," thing. This group is crippled by their pet Sophocles, leave him and his chorus to their little stroke party and find a group that actually encourages opinions.

This is advice that was hard won for me over the years from personal experience. I hope it helps some of you not have to go through what I endured before I found my own writing group, the Alternate Historians. We’ll be celebrating twenty years as a group. Between us all we have over forty books, and innumerable short stories published. Not bad for a group of people that hadn’t sold anything when we met. (The exception being Sharon Shinn, who had sold several books before she joined us. Our good fortune to have her with us.)

How do you organize this?

We’ve been discussing how to organize the work here. We have lot’s of ideas, but in the end, all the ideas crash against the same barrier. Me.

I am a writer. That means that my pages can take two hours, or eight, to accomplish. It means that my best hours are the first hours of the day, so those have to be kept fresh and open, if at all possible. It means, that part of everyone’s job is to help me be able to work, because if the books don’t get done then none of the other work really matters. The books are the thing, the foundation. The comic books are great, and fun, but they’re based on the books and the world of the books. It all goes back to the novels. So, that’s the work priority. It has to be.

But, what about everything else? The comic, interviews, the blog, the newsletter, card ideas for the fan club, merch ideas for the fan club, meetings, covers to look at, artwork, more and more meetings. More demands on your time, and more coming, and the more successful you are the more demands there are, it is the nature of the beast. It is everything we all work for, but one thing keeps banging up against it. Me.

Writers need a certain amount of down time. We need time to wonder about old bookstores and libraries. Time to visit odd places, and talk to people. Time to lick our wounds and get new ones. We are odd creatures. Each of us so unique, so that what will fill one writer up, will drain another dry. An idea that will spark and burn for one writer, will just lie there on the sidewalk unnoticed and unwanted by another. You’ve got to find what feeds your muse. What keeps you going.

The more success I get, the more sympathy I have with the tabloid darlings. Success can be as deadly to your career as failure. I mean, most of us, have dealt with failure for years before we finally sell. We know how to fail, and dust ourselves off and hit it again. If you’re going to succeed as a writer you’ve got to know how to take a hit, and keep swinging. It’s a harsh business, and your ego better be able to take the beating. A little success is amazing and feels like fine champagne, but there comes a point where success begins to feel more like drowning in champagne than drinking it. You begin to feel like there’s too many people wanting your attention and not enough of you to go around. What do you do when you’ve succeeded beyond your wildest business dreams? Celebrate, yes, but what then?

I said, I’m the stumbling block for organizing the business, and I am. How do you organize a schedule that can get everything done in four hours one day, and not get done for ten the next? How do you explain that a few minutes of interruption can destroy two hours of momentum, and loose you all you’ve gained for that work session? Everything waits on the book being finished, but it’s not done. Progress was nonexistent today.

Merry won’t let me destroy everyone. Every time I think I’m getting the blood bath I wanted, she stops working with me. Today, she just dug her heels in inches from the abyss, and would not play. Tomorrow I have to take my issues off the table and let her have her gentler solution. I don’t want gentle, but it’s not my story, it’s her’s. I just write it, I don’t have to live it, she does. Merry needs to end the book her way, and I need out of this book. I need onto something more visceral, more violent, more rough. I ask Deity to help me give compassion to those who hate me, but it is not my nature, which I suppose is why I pray for help to feel it. These people have hurt Merry, and killed those she loves, they deserve to die. They’ve earned it, but she is not me. She would give life where I would give death. She would give compassion where I would give back the rage visited upon us.

How do I explain that I’m having trouble scheduling a meeting with my accountant, or my doctor, or my whatever, because my imaginary friend won’t cooperate. How do you explain that to people whose jobs deal with facts, figures, and flesh and blood people? Hell, there are days when I can’t even explain it to myself.