Three days until first Flight

I've gotten better about the whole plane phobia, I didn't really freak until right now, about three days ahead. Jonathon requested I not save all the freaking until the day before, because it was too much stress to shovel in just twenty-four hours. So, at his request, I've decided to stop holding it all in check and let 'er rip.

"AAAAAHHHHHH!" There, the inarticulate scream is out of my system.

What to do to stay calm? Hmm. It's either more gardening, or shopping. Not for clothes or normal girl stuff, but for stones, jewelery, or animal stuff. I have to be really careful when I'm this stressed or we end up with new pets, and with three dogs, one indoor fish, and innumerable outdoor fish, we don't need more pets. We really don't. No, honest, we don't. (I'm trying to convince myself.) I find nothing initially lowers the stress level like a puppy, of course, the subsequent days of potty training, obedience training, and trying to integrate a fourth dog into our pack raises the stress level. Watch Cesar Millan on "Dog Whisperer", and you'll see what I mean. Just because the three dogs we have get along doesn't mean the fourth will. We learned that when we added Pippin to our pack, while Jimmy was still with us. Pip was great as a wee pup with everyone, then he got a little older, and he and Jimmy went at loggerheads. Jimmy wouldn't give up being top dog, and Pip thought that out weighing him by double his body weight and double his height, that should have won him some respect. Jimmy disagreed. We got things calmed down, and worked with everyone, but it taught us that that cute little puppy is going to grow into a grown-up dog and if it's not a breed you're familiar with, you may have a learning curve.

We'd had pugs, and half pugs, but Pip is only one quarter pug, one quarter Brittany, and half Boxer. The Brittany seems to make him fearful of novelty, and gun shy. The Boxer makes him very physical, and he can jump like no one's business. I'm used to Pugs, they can be fast, and can jump, but they aren't exactly gazelle like. Pip is very deer and gazelle, as he dashes through the house. I thought that part pug would even it out, but though it's made him a little calmer then 100 % of Boxer, he's really a Boxer in a slightly more svelte package. I now have about every book on Boxers out there, plus books designed to teach you how to train your Boxer. Just because you're something of an expert on one breed doesn't mean you will be an expert on a totally different breed. And part pug is not the same as half pug. I have to say that Pip is either going to win us to never adopting anything less than at least fifty percent pug, or, every once in a while, we get crazy and think maybe we'll get a whole Boxer. That inclination usually passes, but every once in awhile . . .

By the way, it's not the Boxer's fault that we think it's too much dog for us. It's totally our fault. Any, large, physical dog needs more attention and more exercise than a smaller less physical dog. One book describes the Boxer motto as, "Airborne and Loving It," I'm more couch potato and fairly happy. Boxer, especially young ones are not couch potatoes. Sometimes on our walks Pip will try to follow a passing jogger, as if, "Please, take me with you." He's so physical, so athletic. Is it wrong to feel like your dog deserves a more physically fit owner?

But this week, I was going through that shelve and pile of books-to-be-read, and I found something on the shelf of dog books. A desk calender, totally unwritten in, clean and new as the day I purchased it. I bought it for the pictures, as I often do when I'm researching. But the date on this calender was 1998. I wasn't researching the topic of this calender that long ago. Have you guessed? Yeah, it's a Boxer desk calender. Pictures of Boxers of all ages and sizes, colors; page after page. Pip is only five, so the calender was purchased years before we ever thought we might get a Boxer. But, apparently, it was on my mind, even then.

Sometimes in life, you don't get what you planned on, or what you wanted, but what you needed. Pip was supposed to be a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, or another pug. Both small dogs, and closer to personalities that I was more familiar with, but, instead we visited Granite City APA to just see how they're doing. I try to check all the charities we supports periodically. But they had a roomful of abandoned puppies, it was like puppy pheromone heaven. I just didn't have enough fight in me, to not bring home a puppy. I soooo, have to stay away from the rescue groups for awhile. We did the puppy testing to see how dominant he was, or was not, and he's a great dog. There are just days when I wonder if he wants to be with a different family, one that agility trains with him, or runs with him, then he'll jump up and sit in the window like some huge black cat, gazing out at the world, and I think, "If we were more structured would we let him on the back of the couch? Would we let him curl all sixty pounds of him in our laps? Would this more organized family have someone home with him all day, and have pack mates for him to play with?" Trust me, to let my own dog make me feel insecure. Of course, maybe it's just the nerves. Stupid plane. No, lovely plane, I mean, it's not personal, you wonder of technology, please don't take it personally, and fly, nicely, safely, for us next week.

But I think there's something about Boxers, some lesson, that I need to learn. Maybe, it's that they are one of the happiest breeds around. They always have that laughing, panting smile, and those mischievous eyes. Pip has that more worried pug/Brittany thing going on. But I think what I need is to embrace my inner Boxer and get more physical and more up-beat. "Airborne and Loving It!" Who me?

Anxiety and roses

I'm sitting here waiting for the tea to finish brewing. Mary, my mother-in-law, Trinity and I have just finished deadheading the roses in the back. They're clipping some for bouquets now while I do tea, because we're supposed to get a huge storm this afternoon and it will beat the roses to pieces. After tea, we'll work on the roses in front. I finally embraced the whole, I love roses, this year, and just went a little crazy adding like ten new plants. But they are beautiful, but like many beautiful things they are also higher maintenance. But well, worth the trade, I think.

We've just come back from Trinity's graduation. Good to have gone, but exhausting, they didn't have enough chairs. We stood for over two hours. You can walk for that long, but just standing is harder work.

We did lunch all of us together, and now we're gardening.

I realize that some of you guys expect me to be all Addam's family in my daily life, and I have my moments, but when it comes to every day life and dealing with the kiddo I go for something a little more mundane. Besides, I love roses, and color in my garden. I love the few black flowers you can find, but I'm never quite willing to do a black and white garden when red exists in the world, and blue, and yellow, and purple.

Since I can't concentrate on my own writing today, I've decided to do all the things I've been putting off like dead heading the roses. If you let them start making rose hips, then they stop making flowers. Late in the season we'll stop clipping and let the rose hips form because deep in winter when there is very little food for the berry eaters, the rose hips have been frozen and thawed to the point where I think they must be sweeter, because that is when everything starts eating them. Or maybe the birds and squirrels and other small furries are just out of other options by then. But I prefer to think that the rose hips are saved like some special treat until frost and snow and winter's cold has made them like ripe treats to be savored.

I had always believed that what made me unable to write was being on tour, but nope, apparently just having BLOOD NOIR hit the shelves and doing one event is enough to throw me. Interesting. I find it almost impossible to write on tour. I know writers that swear that they work every night in their hotel room. They must get in earlier from events than I do, or just need less sleep.

Well, tea is ready to be drunk. Then I'll trim some more roses. Anything to keep moving, and not think too hard. To use a quote that I grew up hearing, "I'm as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs."

It was wonderful to finish the kick-off event and not have to get on a plane the next day, but I'm beginning to think that I might as well have gone on tour for all the good I'm doing myself. Except for the whole seeing Trinity do all her school stuff which is important, but I really thought that I'd be able to keep working this week, too. Live and learn, I guess.

A Case of Nerves

Some of you have asked why we aren't going out on tour this week. We usually do the first signing here in St. Louis then the next day we're on a plane to the next stop on the tour. This time, we're waiting a week. Why?

Two answers, really. One, Charles and his family had scheduled their vacation and couldn't move it, when my publisher decided to change the lay down date on BLOOD NOIR. I requested that we keep the travel on the original week so that Charles could accompany us. The powers that be in New York agreed, and there you have it.

Second answer, is that when we started looking at events in our everyday life that would be missed if we moved the travel to the new week, this week, there was a long list. Trinity's spring show case. We got to see her do her first solo. Jon and I were very happy we did not miss it. Tomorrow is Trin's graduation from her grade, and again, glad we're here. Though, when I was in school there were no graduations for lower grades. You got one senior year of high school, and maybe eighth grade, and that was it, until college. But, these days, you get graduations even from kindergarten. Regardless of how I feel about the need for a gradation from the lower grades, I'm still glad to be home to see our daughter go through the ceremony. That whole milestone thing.

It's funny, if Charles hadn't had the vacation planned, would I have checked in time? Or would I have not thought about it? He is our security, but sometimes on the trips, and now, he's our second look. That person that helps you check things out a little more completely, so you don't miss the important things.

I have to admit when a new book comes out that I get distracted. It makes my absent-minded artist thing a little more intense. News from New York about how the book is doing comes in, and is exciting and nerve wracking. BLOOD NOIR is doing amazingly well. The news is very good, and very anxiety provoking. Why does good news make me anxious? Just my own little special brand of weird, and not the happy kind. No, the kind that sends you to a therapist or the gym. I've promised myself before the next book release we'll have a heavy bag here at home. Right now, I'm so out of practice that I'm afraid I'd sprain a wrist and be unable to sign your books. Which would so suck, so I'll leave the heavy hitting until safely after tour.

All this to say, that the hoopla around a book release messes with my attention. It distracts, teases, torments. I try to ignore it all and keep writing, but I fail. The few days before a book release I'm useless. I managed to get a few pages written long hand today, but mostly I dither, and call people in New York and use up their time and mine. I can't sit still. Can't not poke at the whole process. But right this minute, I'm going to bed. Sleep sounds good. Though the whole nervous energy thing does make actual sleep problematic.

The First Signing

Thanks to everyone who came out for the opening night signing. Saw familiar faces, but also saw a lot of new ones. People who have just started the series, or who had never come to a book signing before. Welcome to all. We got to give Missy her grandmother present in person. She is one of the people, that helps make sure the comic is consistent. All mistakes, are mine and mine alone, but trust me Missy catches stuff that I would miss. I get distracted by the pretty pictures, and forget I’m supposed to be editing. So, to celebrate her first grandchild, Darla found this cool site that has presents for grandma’s and not just babies, or mothers. The web site we shopped on was Cookie Pots.com

It’s cool that we meet people in line at signings, and over the years we get to know them. First grandchild; first child; marriages; graduations; first house; engagements; first jobs; new jobs; we watch people’s lives through the windows of the signings. People have met in line and formed friendships, and in at least two cases marriages. We even got the first baby from one of the couples that met in line awhile back. Who knew that my signings would mean so much to you guys? I guess, just by being in line, saying you read my books, it gives you all something to talk about. It means that we are among friends, or at least people who think like we do, or aren’t afraid to think outside the box. It’s nice to be in a room with that many people that either don’t think I’m weird, or like me because of it.

We didn’t think we’d have Charles with us last night. He was on vacation with his wife and kids, but the vacation got flooded out. So, they drove in yesterday and he came to do his job. His wife was also there, but she didn’t want to be introduced, or outted, so I was good and didn’t. In fact, it was an effective threat, bwaahhhha! The reason Jim was on security was that we thought we’d not have Charles, so we had extra help, never a bad thing. Though Jim picked up the in-jokes that Charles and Jonathon were doing awful fast. I kept having to turn around and see what the three of them were doing behind my back to make all you guys laugh.

Several people stood in line to get books signed for family and friends. But you gleefully got one of the free t-shirts for yourself, at our suggestion. Something for you, for all that selfless standing in line. Glad we could make sure everyone got something for themselves.

We had an inordinate number of happy birthday signatures. The most we’ve had at a signing here in the St. Louis. What happens in this area nine months before the end of May? The only place we’ve signed more happy birthday’s at one signing was in Atlanta, and we counted up and that was DragonCon. But nine months from now, isn’t close to Archon, or anything else we’ve been able to come up with. Hmm, it’s a mystery.

We’ll see you guys at the next signing in Ann Arbor, Michigan on June 3rd.

Announcements

Okay, got some things to share that were announced last night at the signing. So drum roll please!

Press Release from Berkley:
At Berkley, Editorial Director Susan Allison signed up three more Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter novels from Laurell K. Hamilton—the 1 bestselling author credited with starting the genre of paranormal fiction. North American hard/soft rights were brokered by Merrilee Heifetz at Writers House in a major 7-figure deal. The first of the three books-the sixteenth hardcover in the popular series, following the latest installment Blood Noir-will be published in 2009.

Wolf Howl Update!
For those with tickets (we understand there are a few left). SJ Tucker, aka Skinny White Chick will be gracing us with song too! So you will get to hear Laurell read, the wolves howl and SJ sing! What a great evening!

Barnes And Noble Interview:
Audio interview:

http://media.barnesandnoble.com/index.jsp?fr_story=67cacb1a515b055581c38be3361f123006d9d91c&sourceid=L000000141

Darla

Blood Noir is out today!

BLOOD NOIR is in the stores today! No more waiting. No more guessing. No more having to rely on Internet rumor. You can read the book for yourself. Some of you will see us tonight at the signing at Barnes and Noble in Crestwood, here in Missouri. Six o'clock sharp. For me, the kick-off signing is really when the book comes out. It's the moment when I know you've got the book in hand, and we are ready to go.

I did the first radio interview last night. The John Carney show on KMOX AM 1120. It was, as always, fun. It's always nice when the interviewer and I hit it off. Mary said it was one of my best. I, at the time, couldn't tell. I find that in the middle of the radio or television interviews it's almost impossible to judge how it's going. Sometimes even afterwards, you're left asking others, because the words and images are gone. You never got to see, or hear them, because you were too busy doing them. Though I do begin to count the number of times we get laughter in an interview. I value laughter more and more as time goes on. When I did plays in high school and college I was all about tears and tragedy, but now I'd rather share laughter than cry.

John asked me a question that I knew he'd ask. It will probably be one of the most frequently asked questions on any given interview with a new book out. What is the book about? What is BLOOD NOIR about?

I gave an answer, and it was accurate, and amusing, and . . . too long for the shorter interviews that will be coming. What is the book about? It's one of my least favorite questions, because I'm bad at whittling down to a few sentences.

My editor, Susan, gave me what she's been saying, "That Anita does a favor for a friend, and finds that even out of town, she can't leave everything behind."

She does a favor for Jason, a big one, but finds that no matter how good the intentions her life just can't stay safe. It all goes horribly wrong. We end up with a presidential hopeful in jeopardy. Though, that's mostly off-stage, because it gets us in trouble, because Jason looks enough like the candidates wayward son, that the media won't believe that Jason isn't him. They smell scandal, and the media loves a good scandal. We meet Jason's family. We meet some of his friends from high school and college. Anita and I learned things about Jason that we had never known. Sixteen books into a series, dealing with a character that has been on stage since book five, and we learned new things. I think that's one of the things that keeps me excited about my own series, because we never rest. We're always learning more; pushing the boundaries, exploring our world.

Today, you can meet Jason's mom and dad, and siblings. Today, you can meet his old girlfriends, with Anita on his arm. They're just bed-buddies, not really boyfriend, girlfriend, so should she be offended at the attention of old girlfriends? Anita, and I, struggled with that concept. When you leave the "normal" relationship rules behind, you end up in uncharted territory. It can be scary and confusing, but worth the effort. Uncharted places are where we, as people, make our discoveries. I made a lot of discoveries while writing this book.

I guess that's why I write, to discover new things. New things about my world, my characters, and myself. Anita always takes me places I didn't foresee, and I'm sure, if she could answer me back, she'd say the same to me.

Stage Fright

I'm doing my usual nerves before a book comes out. In my mind, every time I do the pre-nerve thing, it's new. I don't do this every time, but according to my friends and family, yeah, I do.

I asked Jon yesterday, "Do I always get so I can't work on anything just before a release date?"

"Yes," he said.

Okay. Just before Charles went on his family vacation, I was freaking. I said, "You know how I'm feeling?"

His reply, "Normal, you always do this before a book comes out."

Darla, my mother-in-law, my friends; everyone says the same. I always freak. Funny, but I seem to feel like every time I freak is the first time. That I'm like calm and controlled, but nope, apparently this freakazoid moment is "normal" for me at this point in time.

Blood Noir comes out Tuesday. Like in, tomorrow. Aaah! I can't work on Merry. I can't really work on anything. Thank God, we put the last bit of the comic of Guilty Pleasures to bed last week. I am so not going to finish Swallowing Darkness before tomorrow. I'm afraid my nerves are making me make bad decisions for the book, so I've put it aside for a few days. That blood bath at the end seems like a good idea, and I can't tell if it's the book talking, or my stage fright.

Is it stage fright? I don't get nervous in front of crowds. I don't get nervous when I talk on the phone or radio for interviews, anymore. Other than, thinking, don't move too much, remember not to wear noisy jewelery. Try not to say anything that you don't want repeated. Which, the longer you are on the road the harder it gets to not open mouth and insert foot. This is a short tour, and that is some comfort. I won't be on the road long enough to get to the point where interviews become a challenge, not to say what you shouldn't. I hope.

I have a lot of sympathy for the presidential hopefuls right now. They must have had thousands of interviews by now. You'd think you get better at it, and you do, smoother, but you also begin to get tired. You begin to answer on automatic, and sometimes automatic breaks down, then you say something that's going to come back and bite you. Being on the road is one of the most exhausting things I've ever done, so all of the potential candidates must be so incredibly tired. It's almost like we throw them in this media meat grinder and the person who comes out the best, wins. Does it really get us the best president? I don't know, but it certainly shows who has stamina.

See, I already feel better. It could be so much worse. I could be running for president.

Rennansaince Faire

This weekend is one of our anniversaries. Jon and I celebrate three. Yeah, yeah, I know I'm such a romantic. It always makes me feel a little silly, but in the end I love that we celebrate dates other than just the big wedding. The wedding was just one event, not the whole event, so it's always made sense to us to celebrate some of the steps that led up to the commitment part.

I have Jon's present in the present closet. Once he gets it, today, I'll blog about it later, but I've managed to keep it a surprise from him, and he does look at the blog, so you guys have to wait. But Jon asked me what I wanted for this anniversary. I was stumped. Then I realized Friday, what I wanted. I wanted to go to the Renaissance Fair. I did not want to miss it this year.

Problem one: Trinity is with her father for their nearly week long trip together. It's very cool that she gets to spend time with her dad, but this kind of thing is why we missed the faire last year. I kept waiting to do one trip and make it a family trip. For all you parents out there who have shared custody, you know that planning around everyone's schedule can be something of a challenge. My ex and I are very cooperative with each other, and we still have to trade around to hit everything we both want to do with Trin. So, last year, I waited and waited, and none of us got to go to the faire.

Problem two: Charles is on vacation with his wife and kids. So, my security person is out of town. I generally don't go to events where I've gotten recognized, and, or, had "problems" in the past without security. I am such a little celebrity compared to some, that my own problems make me wonder how the heck Angelina Joelie and Brad Pitt go anywhere. Anyway, let's just say that we had one exciting incident at the faire a couple of years ago, and leave it at that. But it's what prompted us to not want to go back without security, and especially when you've got your kid. But the incident was purely verbal. If I couldn't take a few insults, well, let's just say that I now have a polite speech for when fans call me, and or, my character, a whore, to our faces. You think I'm kidding? I wish.

I asked Charles before he left, and he told me to take precautions to not look like me, then go. He estimated the threat level as low, and I trust his judgment. I won't tell you what those precautions are, because if I tell you my "Stealth Laurell" disguise, it might cease to work. Anyway, I did it, and Jon and I went off to the faire. We met my good friend Robin, who is also our priestess and married us, and her husband, Kevin. It had been ages since Robin and I had gone out and done anything together.

Yes, we knew there were tickets waiting for us at the gate, but we paid, and didn't mention it. Why? Because, if you're trying not to be noticed, then taking the tickets waiting under your name, can defeat the purpose. So, sub-rosa, in we went.

Let me thank, now, the handful people who recognized me, and or, Jon and me, and when I asked, you did not out me. Thank you. Also, for the people that said, "I know you, don't I?" I answered that we came to the faire every year, which is true except for last year, and I didn't want to have to be "ON", at the faire. I just wanted to enjoy it. Any of you that asked me, "Do you write?" I answered honestly. I also answered truthfully, to, "Aren't you . . ."

I guess, when it comes down to it, it's not just security issues that made me want to be below the radar. I didn't want to have to worry about what I bought, or how I looked being on the internet before I even got home. But, I did keep an eye on where the police were, as they walked by here and there. My world has forever been changed by my success. Most of it is very good, but not all of it.

We had a wonderful time at the faire. We saw a show. We bought jewelery. Ooh, shiny. We also bought cloaks, because it was cold. Usually the St. Louis Ren Faire is hot, as in sweltering, but yesterday it was chilly, and sprinkled a cold rain periodically. I bought a cloak at Sofie's Stitches that was rain resistant. Very handy. Jon eventually was impressed enough with mine that he bought one for himself. Usually, I buy snow-cones, but yesterday we bought coffee. It was that kind of day. The coffee was good, and I'm picky, so if you go to the faire try out Arbuck's Coffee. Pirate themed coffee, what could be better?

We bought more winged stuffed toys at Bast's Garden. Sorry, that I didn't introduce myself again this year, but without Charles along, I just didn't feel confident enough. And that's kind of sad. I actually asked my friend, and current policeman, Shawn, to come down and escort us, but he had to work this weekend. But, you know what, I've got to be braver. I've got to stop being afraid of the attention. I've found that if I ask quietly, that most of you guys are great. If I ask you, not to out me, then you honor that request.

If I'm at a event where I'm supposed to be LAURELL K HAMILTON, writer, then it's okay to be enthusiastic. I'm "on", and supposed to be. It's only when I'm just doing the normal every day stuff that it sort of catches me off-guard.

I meant to write about how much I loved the Renn Faire, and how much fun Jon and I had. We bought pointy things. We both love swords. I bought a leather top/vest thingie, and finally found some leather and metal bracers that actually fit my forearms. I have tiny wrists and a lot of the armor stuff just doesn't come in a size for me. It's either sized for men, or sized for children. But yesterday, I found some. Yea!

We visited the art show. Got some cool stuff. Ash and Griffin pottery, as always. I got to replace the Dire Ferret mug that cracked, when it was dropped last year. I also bought a zombie moose mug. It's supposed to be a heraldic moose, but it's on it's hind legs with it's hooves out in front of it, and all I could think of was, zombie moose.

We had a good time, and nothing bad happened. I hope we get to go back with Trinity in tow, if the scheduling works out.

Baby pictures and a t-shirt giveaway

We’re giving away a t-shirt at the kick-off signing for BLOOD NOIR here in St. Louis. It’s an experiment. If it works, we may do it again. If it’s just a big pain in the butt, we won’t. The t-shirt is the Comicon 2007 shirt with Brett Booth original artwork. There are limited sizes, so it’s first come, first served. You must have a line ticket to get a shirt. There is only one shirt per person. If the size you want is gone, it’s gone. This is a limited run shirt and we aren’t doing it again. Also, getting there early will not get you a shirt, because the shirts will arrive about the time we do that evening.

Here are photos of the shirt. Yes, that is me wearing the shirt. Contrary to internet rumor we do not have a bevy of handsome models running about our house, just waiting for me to order them to try on shirts. Or waiting for me to order them to do anything else. It was just Jon and me, and the Foose.

You guys have been asking for pictures of me with the Mustang, so we decided to multi-task.

A Close-Up of the shirt in case you got distracted by the car.

And yes, that is Jean-Claude, Anita and Edward with Zerbrowski, who is carrying a huge arm load of comics. The image of my characters from the comic version of Guilty Pleasures at a comic book convention was just too fun.

Laurell Radio Interview

Hosted By: The John Carney Show and KMOX AM Radio
When: Monday May 26, 2008
at 8:15 PM CST
Where: John Carney Show
SAINT LOUIS, Missouri
United States
Description:
Laurell Hamilton Interview


You may listen over the Internet at: http://www.kmox.com/The-Carney-Show/1670961 or click here: Click here!

Wolf Howl FAQ

A bit of an add-on to yesterday’s blog about the Wolf Howl.

We have been getting a lot of questions about the Howl. So please let me address them.

So what exactly happens at this howl?
The reading takes place at the campfire site or in the gift shop/classroom if the weather in inclement. It lasts about an hour. One of the sanctuary workers or docents, will take a few minutes to tell you about the sanctuary and give instructions on what happens next .Then we walk about ½ mile to the far side of the creek from the wolves. Should it be dark, doubtful, the docents will have flashlights to guide everyone down.

The wolves are penned. We will not be able to see them from where we are. But you can hear them. There are also Wild African Dogs, so you may hear some barking too.

The howl portion usually lasts 15-20 minutes. Then we will all walk back to the gift shop/classroom for the Q&A and signing. There is a gift shop, it is open and will have items for sale. You can also take this opportunity to sign up for a membership to the sanctuary. I know that membership includes a discount to the gift shop and admission to member only events. The rest of what you get depends on the level of membership. Check out the sanctuaries website for more details. It is listed below.

There will also be cookies and something to drink if you choose. Non-alcholic of course.

I got tickets! I am coming, anything I need to know?
Bring a lawn chair. There are wooden benches, so you can bring a seat cushion if you like. Also, wear insect repellent. There are mosquitoes, chiggers and ticks to be wary of.

When you arrive at the sanctuary, you will have to give your name at the gate. You will then park and wait until everyone is taken down together to the fire pit. There is a bathroom at the front gate. Also the house at the gate has some nifty indoor displays to peruse.

There is usually a bathroom available at the classroom/gift shop area. But that building is locked, so one of the docents will have to walk folks over as a group to use it. You will not be allowed to wander around alone.

Why are you doing Howls?
To raise money and help save the wolves. The sanctuary must move this year. Currently they are on the Tyson Research Facility grounds owned by Washington University. They are very short of funds for this move. They do have land but it is not ready yet. Time is running short for this move. You can preview the new facilities by going to:
http://www.wildcanidcenter.org/Home/default.htm and clicking on the Capital Campaign link.


But I want to see the wolves!
Sorry, not at the howls. They do have tours and an annual open house which you can attend. At those you can see the wolves in their enclosures and even take pictures. Members get even more benefits: like discounts on regular howls, which include story telling and howling with the wolves.


Why do you only do weekday nights?
It is all the Sanctuary has available. Weekends they have pre-scheduled events. Almost all the money the sanctuary takes in is from their educational programs. They receive little government funding. So the educational programs, howls and gift shop are where they make money to support their programs.


I do not live in Missouri. I cannot afford to come. Wish I could.
Would you like a vicarious thrill? Best we can do. But we have a Howl recorded in 2005. First you will hear the Docent howl, and then the wolves answer.
http://www.laurellkhamilton.org/Podcasts/myjukebox.html

We will also be taping both the reading and the howl. Okay, I should say try to tape it. One of our favorite camera people will not be available that night, so Darla is going to and run the camera. I will probably not put up the reading, Q&A or howl for a bit. Sorry. It takes me a bit of time to get it ready. But hopefully I will get it up before the Swallowing Darkness comes out.

Hope that answers most of everyone’s questions! You can always email if I missed what you wanted to know.

Darla

Wolf Howl

We just agreed to do a Wolf Howl for the Wild Canid Survival & Research Center. It will be June 17th, so mark your calendars. I guess, I’ll be reading from the next Merry book, SWALLOWING DARKNESS, because that has become the tradition. I read from whatever unpublished work is next in line. Since BLOOD NOIR will be out only a few weeks at that point, well, DARKNESS is next.

The usual conditions apply. First come, first get tickets. You can get tickets from Pam Rout at (636) 938-5900. They limit the number of people to about a hundred so that we don’t scare the wolves. I’ll read outside, or inside if the weather is bad, then we walk down and see if we can get the wolves to howl at us. We’ve been very lucky with the howlings, and usually get a serenade, but it’s not guaranteed. Please, bear in mind that this is not really a child friendly event. My book readings are not for the younger crowd, so bear that in mind. One of the reasons we stopped reading aloud at book signings in malls and stores, is that there are always children going by. So, we do the question and answer session instead. No one seems to mind. At the Wolf Howl you get both a reading, of a book that won’t be out until November, and you get a Q & A session. Plus I’ll be signing. Limit three books a person, but you can go back through the line when everyone else is done.

Directions can be found at www.wolfsanctuary.org. June 17th at 7P.M. $20 per ticket all money going to the wolf sanctuary. For those who have never been to one of our howls, the signing takes place in the gift shop. I say that, because every time we have one of these events people say, "If we had known there would be things to buy, we’d have brought more cash, or credit cards, etc . . ." So, now now one can claim they did not know.

Busy, busy Day

It’s been one of those days when I’m wondering at the wisdom of this many different balls in the air. I’ve got three pages for Merry so far. I owe myself one more page. When I left it before lunch, I was happy to do so, because I needed to think about the scene a little. It needed to cook, and simmering during lunch was great, but . . .

We hit a comic book deadline today. As in, colors were due for our approval, and needed to go to the next stage, today. Also, the end of Guilty Pleasures, the novel, is very cinematic. I am very visually oriented, and tend to see things in a very movie way, and I write that way. It’s one of the reasons script is fairly easy for me. But, though the end of Guilty Pleasures works great as a novel, and would make a kick ass movie ending. For a comic, though a visual medium like movies, it’s not a movie. Comic lacks movement, and if you have straight action with no dialogue, and no movement, just images, well, it just seemed a little flat. Our editor Jordan sent us stuff, and suggested this fact, but honestly until you have colors on the pictures sometimes you don’t know if it works, as is, you need to see the image finished, then suddenly it’s still flat, even with color. I agreed, and I spent the afternoon adding new dialogue. Mostly internal Anita dialogue, but Nikolaos got some more dialogue, too. Edward even got a line or so, of new stuff. So, when you see issue twelve of the comic book of Guilty Pleasures, you’ll get some brand new stuff, because the visuals needed more. But, let me just say, the visuals are amazing. Ron and June out did themselves in these last pages. Nikolaos’s death scene is spec-freaking-tacular.

So, new stuff in the comic, who knew? It’s funny how every story telling medium has it’s own challenges, strengths and weaknesses.

Oh, and for those who wondered I’ve been averaging about six pages a day on SWALLOWING DARKNESS. I’m still hoping to get it done before BLOOD NOIR comes out on the 27th, but no longer positive. Sigh. But Merry writes a little slower than Antia, she always has. But then every book has it’s own rythme. SWALLOWING DARKNESS seems to take more energy, more something out of me, then the last Merry book did. BLOOD NOIR wrote smooth and fast.

I’m also getting more interview requests for BLOOD NOIR. The e-mails are easier because I have time to answer and can answer at my leisure, sort of, they do have deadlines. But the downside to e-mails interviews is that I can take my time, and tend to agonize over the answers. A live phone or radio interview, well, it’s done, over, and you don’t time to pick at it. Admittedly, sometimes you get off the phone, or step out of the station, and think, damn, I can’t believe I said that. That’s the downside to those kinds of interviews. But I’m letting the e-mail ones take up too much time, and linger too long on my desk. I’ve got to get faster.

It has been one of those days when everything seems to be eating my time. It’s all necessary. It’s all business. But as the release of BLOOD NOIR gets closer, my nerves get more frayed. It’s always like this before the release of a book. I guess it’s my version of opening night nerves. This is book # 25, if you count all I’ve published, and I still get nervous. One friend, who doesn’t really understand me, yet, told me, "If it doesn’t make you happy, do something else." No, my measure for happy at work is when it stops making me nervous, it’s time to do something else. Because the day I stop worrying about how a book will do, and how you guys will receive it, is the day it doesn’t matter to me. When it doesn’t matter, then it’s time to move on. But, my anxiety is right on schedule, so I guess we’re safe. I’ll keep writing, you keep reading, and the cycle of publishing will continue.

Right now, I’m going to go drive the Foose. Yes, I owe myself one more page, but my stress level is high enough I need to calm down, and driving my Mustang is one of the top three ways I relax now. The first two? Long, hot bath, and the other one requires more than just me to participate. Jon is on kid and dinner duty, so it’s a little hard to add one more thing to his list. Yeah, I know, only I would think of sex as something to put on the to-do list. But, hey, if you don’t schedule it, it doesn’t happen as often. I actually put the last big night in my day planner, along with notes on what I had planned for my sweetie. Prior planning prevents poor performance, isn’t just a phrase for the armed forces.

Oh, and Darla wanted me to put the Full Moon Sale for the fan club at the bottom of today’s blog. So here is the address for it. http://www.laurellkhamilton.org/Merchandise/Goodies.html. She’s got some cool stuff on sale, and I think having a once a month sale for our lycanthrope friends is just too fun.

A late night with music and fire

Saturday night we got to bed about 1:30 AM. It was well worth it, but Sunday night we ended up getting to bed about 2:30 AM. It was worth it, too, but in a completely different way. But, Sunday morning Jon and I got to sleep in until 9:00, which made up for the late night. Monday morning comes around and I was reminded why people with school age children don’t do the whole late night thing often. Yes, Trinity was with her father this weekend, but Jon and I still had to be up and coherent enough to get her off to school after my ex dropped her off. Which meant we got about 3 and a half hours of sleep.

We were so tired it felt like a full body hangover this morning. It was self-punishing behavior, crap. But we got to see S. J. Tucker sing again, and that was certainly worth it. We also got to see her sweetie K spin fire . I’d seen videos, but never seen it done in person. Wow.

There were some technical difficulties that led to the late hour. We were on an open air terrace by a lake, and it was chilly last night. Jon and I really regretted not bringing jackets. Darla, wisely, had brought one. Charles, wisely, had brought one. Though he was driving a motorcycle, and needed that leather jacket. He was driving his wife’s brand new Harley. Very cool. He brought it to show off her new toy, and what a pretty toy it is. But Jon and I, unwisely, were wearing just t-shirts. Jon and Charles both wore their Utility Kilts, and looked smashing. I did jeans. I tried a dress, but it ended up not feeling like me, so I changed. We got quite chilled, before the evening was over, as in I was huddling with people for body warmth. I kept thinking of those pictures from the far north where the penguins huddle in groups and switch whose on the outside and inside so no one freezes to death. Yeah, I was cold. After Charles got done helping be safety person for the fire spinning he gave me his jacket to were. I tried the whole, "But you’re cold, too." He said, "Put it on." He’s earned the right to be on the very, very short list of people I’ll let be dictatorial to me.

Wait, I got distracted, I was talking about technical difficulties. Smoke was one, and not the fire spinning. They lit fires to help with the cold, but whoever did it, either had green wood, wet wood, or just wasn’t boy scout enough to do it, because the fire pits smoked like crazy. It was so bad that S.J. had to stop singing and go to a different place outside. Our eyes were stinging, and it was just horrible. The only plus was that we got to visit with her in the parking lot while we waited to be able to breath. They finally found some electric fans to help direct the smoke away from her area. She bravely came back on and finished her gig. She’s a trooper.

Jon and I proved that you can sort of do a tango in about a two foot square space. An awkward tango, but it was worth the effort for that smile on his face. We mostly danced in place, or swayed to the music. The kilts made the dancing interesting. I’m not used to seeing a man’s knees when I’m dancing with him, or near him. I like it.

By the time the fire spinning came on, I was chilled enough to be shivering. I huddled between Jon and Darla, but I was determined to see the show. The fire whirling in K’s expert hands, with the black lake behind him, and the round, white moon above him, was a fabulous setting. We got some pictures and will try to put them up later, but if you want a blog today, then you must wait for pictures. Jester, who I had not met, did fire eating. A one point he and K did a duet of it, spitting out a spray of dark liquid and fire.

This was actually someone’s wedding. Emily and Phil. They wanted to have S.J. at their wedding, after all the wedding part was over, and open it up to invited fans. We felt a little awkward, not knowing Emily or her family, but I was assured that it was cool, and she wanted S.J. to have an audience. We felt very honored to be able to share the bride and groom’s special day. Also, how cool to have S. J. Tucker sing at your wedding, with fire! Now that’s a wedding.

Weekend so far

Charles went to the Ren Faire yesterday and apparently some of you asked, where were Jon and I? First, let this be a blow to the rumor that Charles is permanently attached to us. He went with friends of his, and they had a good time. Jon and I stayed home so Charles could have a good time. When he’s with us, he’s working, and no matter how relaxed he looks, he’s actually watching the crowd. So, I thought he needed at least one trip to the Ren Faire without having to be on duty.

It was also a weekend when Trinity was at my ex-husband’s, and she loves the Ren Faire. Since I probably won’t be able to go more than once I try to take the kiddo with me. Ideally, we do one adult only visit, then a kid-friendly one. This year, we’ll be lucky to get in a trip, at all. We actually missed it last year, and that was sad, but having a book come out in the summer just throws off the schedule for fun stuff.

Also, I had work to do. I am desperately trying to get SWALLOWING DARKNESS done before BLOOD NOIR comes out on May 27th. I’m about fifty or so pages out. I can do the amount of pages, but now that I’ve had to loose the bomb idea, I’m having trouble reworking the ending. So I only managed four pages on Saturday, but it was a progress, and rereading the pages I get to keep them all, so all to the good. I know what happens next, and that helps a great when sitting down to the computer.

If I can finish DARKNESS then I can just devout myself to BLOOD NOIR tour and publicity. Which would be great. It’s always hard to be working on one series when you’re out flogging for another.

But on the plus side for a grown-up weekend, we did manage to have some fun. Let’s just say that if you want a whole bunch of unscented candles I recommend Target. Yes, Target. Everyone else has scented candles galore, but if you’re trying to fill the bedroom with light, and you know you’ll be using other scented products, you don’t want the candle scents fighting with the oil fragrances.

What fragrant oils? Well, actually, technically they were candles, too. Ember Massage Candles from JimmyJane, are nicely scented, not too strong a scent which is my complaint for a lot of things, just enough fragrance. But unlike regular candles (okay regular candles do not work for pouring on your lover, because most of the wax gets too damn hot. Pour only from eight to nine inches, or more from the body, and even then, it can be too hot. I recommend you get candles designed with this activity in mind, for safety and sanity.) So, unlike regular candles these turn to massage oil when they’ve burned for awhile. There’s a set of instructions with them that you actually should read before use. Because, these do get hot, too. They have this little wand thing with the candles so you can paint on the wax/oil. I didn’t think the wand would be that tantalizing, but it was a big hit. Jon loved it. Oh, and like any good dominant, I tried the wax on my body before trying it on Jon’s. Especially important if it’s going anywhere delicate. Safety first. Nothing ruins a great romantic scene like your lover going, "AAARGH! Get it off! It burns!" Not to mention that the emergency room trip is very embarrassing when trying to explain to the staff how it happened. Of course, they’ve seen and heard it all, but still you don’t want to add to their amusing stories.

But last night worked out just right, everything was just hot enough, and who doesn’t like an erotic hot oil massage from their sweetie? So, in among all the hair-pulling work yesterday, I managed to drive the Foose, and drive the man in my life to warm, satisfied distraction. A very good day.

Irises

I went to the St. Louis Botanical Garden today. My friend, and fellow writer Debbie Millitello met me there. We’ve been meaning to go to the garden and see the Irises every year, but the last time we actually did it was nearly ten years ago. I was still married to my first husband. Her husband was still at his job at Shell. It had been awhile. Every year we’d say, we should go to the garden and see the Irises, and every year, May would pass, and we wouldn’t get there. One of my promises to myself in Florida, as I stared out at the ocean was that I would see my friends more. Ten years between trips to see the Irises is a long time. Debbie and I couldn’t remember the last time we’d gotten together just the two of us and went out anywhere. My new mantra, "I’m okay with being this busy, or busier, as long as I get a life, too."

The Irises were so beautiful, in the early summer sun, so many colors, that we stopped from a distance to admire the whole show. Iris was the name of a messenger for the Roman Gods, and the rainbow was her sign in the sky that she was carrying messages between heaven and earth. The Iris garden today made that seem real.

Debbie and I walked the garden, admiring all the different sizes, shapes, forms, colors, smells. I took notes, because I’m hoping to put out a smaller iris garden of my own this fall. We bemoaned that we had both forgotten our cameras at home. The internet will help me find pictures to go with the names and the notes I made, but next year we’ll take a camera.

There are benches in the shade near the flowers, and we sat and talked, and just drank it all in, the view, the scent, the friendship. It was good. We’ve already made tentative plans to try to see the rose garden this July, because June is going to be too busy for me to plan anything extra. But it’s a plan, and what I’ve learned is that if we don’t plan, it does not happen.

Ten years since we saw the Irises together, or I saw them at all. My promise to myself is that I’ll remember that while I’m working and doing all this great, amazing writing, that the rest of my life is not on hold. The rest of my life is happening without me. I still don’t know how to balance work and play, but I am trying.

We had lunch on the Hill, the Italian neighborhood here in St. Louis. We ate at Zia’s and the pasta was great. I can recommend the carbanara. It was yummy. I’d forgotten the the Hill has a stop sign on like every corner, so driving the Foose was something of a challenge. Just a few weeks ago, I couldn’t have done it, but today, no problem. I stopped and started all over the place, and even parked the car just fine. Admittedly, I was glad that there was no car behind me so I didn’t have to really parallel park, but still, no problems. When we came out from lunch, there was a couple taking a picture of the Baby with their cell phone.

Debbie remarked on it. I got to reply, "It’s not the first time." It’s still a little weird to have a car that gets that much attention, but I’m getting used to it. In fact, I sort of enjoy it. I like that the Baby gets admired. I love driving this car. It was Jon that hit upon why. When I’ve got half a dozen different things up in the air, and I’m having to wait on other people to do their jobs before I can do mine, and I feel like I can’t control anything, I get in the Foose and I drive. It’s all about the control. I drive the car, and when so much in my life seems uncontrolled, or out of my hands, the Foose is very much in my hands, and I have to be in control to drive it. I’ve actually started looking for reasons to drive the car. Errands have never been so fun, but really, you need to get up to highway speeds to see the Baby at her best. She likes it fast.

Tempted

I’m writing this blog first thing, rather than going to my desk for writing, because I’m still tempted. Tempted to do what?

To write a scene that I know would be cool, but doesn’t work with real world physics, or explosives. I’ve tried to use modern explosives for the last two, or is it three books? Maybe three? Two Anita, and this Merry, so three. But, my lack of understanding of explosives keeps making me choreograph scenes that don’t work. Now, some people think that because I’m writing about fairies, and princesses, and magic, that I can’t mess with physics any way I like, but no. My rule is that the more fantastic a thing you want your readers to believe, the more real your real-life stuff has to be. Because the moment the reader catches you out in something they know about, you’ve lost them. If they know you’re wrong on your guns, or cars, or bombs, then they won’t believe immortal warriors, vampires, and werewolves. You’ve got to make sure your reality is as real as you can make it. Make the ground your reader is standing on so real, that when they look up and see fluttering fairies, they don’t hesitate to believe.

Now, we have a explosives expert that’s been helping answer questions, but this particular problem is not about explosives, so much as the place I’ve set the scene just doesn’t have the room. It’s a real road, and a real place, and there just isn’t enough space. But my expert is in another part of the world, and time zones being what they are, I called Charles yesterday. He gets a lot of these kinds of calls from me. But for this one, he’s been off to parts of the world where they really do this stuff, so I knew that though not a explosives expert, he could give me a general thumbs up, or thumbs down, or send me to a book or web site so I could check. He told me what I feared, that the kill zone for a blast like this is too big. There’s no way to get out of the way, where I put Merry and the gang. Explosives are very impressive in that scary kind of way. The more research I do, the more I understand why there is so many innocent people killed with every bomb. The blast radius on most of this stuff is just too large. Even a shaped charge is a chancy thing, unless you don’t give a damn who else you kill.

So, I must give up this really cool idea, and find another way for the bad guys to try and kill Merry and her men. I think I actually understand explosives so little, I’ll have to do more research before I can even begin to put them in a book. Usually, I can fudge things until I do my research, but every once in awhile I find something so out of my experience, that I need my experts to explain to me in very small words, before I can even begin to understand how to use something in my books.

Strangely, the last thing that I started to research and put in a book that the research changed completely how I would have written it, was the bondage and submission stuff. If I hadn’t gone out and talked to people, visited events and some clubs, I would have gotten it wrong, like most books and movies get it wrong. Hmm, bombs and BDSM; what other writer would have that as her two most challenging research topics?

Okay, I think I can go to work now and not use the nifty idea that won’t work. But it would have been really, really cool if explosives worked less well, and were a lot less energy out put. Real world physics, you can’t change them just because it would cool in your fiction.

Guilty Pleasures Issue 11 now available!

Issue #11 of Guilty Pleasures Comic is now available at your favorite comic retailer!

If you do not know where a store is near you contact:
To find a comic shop near you, call 1-888-comicbook

or

No store near you? Need it shipped to where you are anywhere?

http://www.lightspeedhobbies.com
http://www.comicfusion.com
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The Harlequin is # 15

The Harlequin is number 15 on the New York Times list and Publisher’s Weekly list! How cool is that?

What, you didn’t expect me to be excited about hitting number 15 when I’ve hit number one in paperback before? Well, that was with MICAH, and that was a paperback original. THE HARLEQUIN is a paperback of an orignal hardback, and we’ve never made the printed list with any of the Anita paperbacks that followed their hardback counterparts. So, this is way cool.

Thanks to everyone who bought a copy of THE HARLEQUIN in paperback. You helped make us number 15. Thanks.

Mother's Day 2

I usually hate sequels. They're never as fresh, or enjoyable as the original, but this is one sequel that I'm happy to have. The blog that I did in the morning for Mother's Day was dark, but by evening it was better. Why?



Trinity gave me one of those Hallmark cards that you record your voice and it plays music. When she is very grown, I will still have her voice as a little girl, and that's pretty cool. Since my bad mood had made me unable to come up with anything I wanted for a gift, Jon was on his own. Oh, dear, as any husband knows, you always want a clue. It's just safer that way. But Jon did fine. He got me the collector's edition of SWEENEY TODD. A gift I wanted, and one that my progressively grumpy mood had made me forget was even coming out. So, it was a good surprise.



Then I got to do what I wanted to do with the day. I wasn't forced to cook a huge meal for everybody and work on my holiday. I didn't have to go out to one of those huge, impersonal, restaurants where you get food cooked in huge vats. What's with that, anyway? Eggs, and most meat need a little more of a personal touch than that. Vegetables, well, my grandmother was a Southern cook which meant all veggies were cooked within an inch of their life, so cook it in a vat, all the same to me. Jon and his family have introduced me to steamed and grilled veggies, and it's good, but soggy works for me. I grew up on it. Except for okra. Slimy, over-cooked okra is evil. Oh, and black-eyed peas, there's nothing you can do to them to make me want to eat them. Yuck!



We went out and saw Iron Man with Trinity and our friend Richard. Neither of them had seen the movie yet. Why had we seen it without Trin? Because, she's still a little iffy on some of the violence or sexual content, so Jon and I preview movies. Just in case. You know the rule, whatever goes in their minds, sometimes makes a home, so be careful what you allow inside. Does that sound weird coming from me? Why? Just because I write about sex and violence doesn't mean I write for children. I most certainly do not write for children, and I've never pretended otherwise. The few times I've been informed that my books were discovered shelved in young adult weirded me out.



And, please, do not ask me if your teenager is old enough to read my books. I don't know your kid. By my daughter's age I was reading some very scary stuff, but she is not me, and stuff like that bothers her. Every child is like every adult, an individual. Know thyself, know your child, work from there.



The movie was so packed we had to split up. Jon and Richard sat together and Trin and I sat farther down. Uncle Richard would have taken the kiddo, but it seemed wrong on Mother's day to not sit with my girl. Besides, having seen the movie once, part of the fun was watching Trinity's reactions.



After the movie we ran home, rescued the dogs. Okay, let them out so they didn't have any accidents inside. Then we went out for dinner. We went to one of our favorite sushi restaurants. We all love sushi. Okay, good sushi. Bad sushi is like some of the worst food you will ever try to scarf down. I lived in Los Angeles when sushi first hit big, and I had some really bad stuff at dinner parties. Sushi, like most everything else in Japanese culture is an art, and you can't fake art. I've only recently been brave enough to retry, and found that I like sushi just fine, if it's prepared well.



So, the four of us sat, ate, visited. We drank really good green tea, salmon rolls, a lot of nigiri of various kinds, and a few appetizers. It was good, and getting out to a nice restaurant was exactly what I needed to cap the day off.



I think we'll make a movie and dinner out a Mother's Day tradition for the kid part. Uncle Richard went home, and once the kid was in bed, then Jon and I had more grown-up plans. I'm sorry, it's my holiday, I may not have known what I wanted him to buy me from a store, but I knew exactly what I wanted to do with him afterwards. I may not be easy to buy for, but I'm easy to please, okay, scratch that. I'm not, but I do try to make it worth the effort. I'm all about rewarding for good behavior.

Mother's Day

This was the blog for yesterday, but when we discovered that the podcast hadn’t uploaded properly, we decided to fix that and let you guys enjoy it, before I shared with you how I was feeling early on Mother’s Day.

If what you want is a happy Mother’s Day message, then skip this post.

Everyone skipped? Okay, here goes.

I started noticing that I was getting depressed. No reason for it. I mean everything is going swimmingly. In fact, everything is wonderful. So why was I down in the dumps? I finally made the connection at the end of April. April 29th is, or was, my grandmother’s birthday. Anniversary depression, who me? Maybe.

I saw the perfect gift for her in the bookstore. I actually reached out for it, held it in my hand with that well of satisfaction, that flush of pleasure at how perfect it was for her, then there was that drop of the heart. All of you who have lost someone important to you, know the drop I mean. You forget for an instant, you react to something as if . . . as if . . . Then reality hits, and it’s like your heart just fell out of an airplane without a parachute and ends crashing into your feet. (What was the perfect gift? A book of odd, or famous obituaries. My Grandmother kept two Whitman Sampler chocolate boxes, gifts from other grand kids in the past, full of obits. Some of people she knew, or we knew, but mostly strangers. She’d cut out obits that were particularly pitiful or horrible and keep them. She liked to read them to me when I visited.) So the book would have pleased her, and she could have spent hours pouring over the sad contents and enjoying herself. But, she’s past needing birthday presents.

Now it’s mother’s day, and I realized that three years ago, her funeral was on Mother’s Day. One of my uncle’s, joked that Granny finally got her wish. I asked, what was that? To get us all together to visit her on Mother’s Day. There were about eighty plus of us from all over the country, there to pay our final respects.

I have the cards and presents from Jon and Trinity. We’re all going to see a movie later today with our friend Richard. We went out yesterday plant shopping with our friends Kari and Pili, and though we got wet and cold from the rain, it was a good day. I had to go back out this morning and make sure that the wind hadn’t done too much damage to the pots waiting to go in the ground. Pili came up with a garden design, and I just picked anything that caught our fancy. I stopped worrying about whether it’s supposed to grow here, or not. I just picked what I liked and we’ll plant it, and see what happens. I’ve spent eight years planting my front yard carefully, and it looks like crap, bare and too formal for me. I want the front to look like the pond area, lush, and a riot of color and shape.

I bought any plant that pleased my eye, or Pili’s. Jon and Kari totted and fetched. Trinity wandered around finding this plant or that, or just helping the basket lady plant new mother’s day baskets. She has an eye for putting things together that I would never have thought could match, but they do. It was a good day, other than the rain, and even that got us a huge rainbow in the sky above the second garden center, the one where we got the most roses. It was a round, fat rainbow, with several layers of violet in it. A good day.

It’s a mother’s day when I have no mother’s left. I’ve lost two in my life time, that seems plenty. I guess Jon’s Mom will just have to live to about two hundred or so to make me happy.

Podcast

OK, We’ve done another PodCast. Its available here. Its big. 26 MB big, but download it and let it play. Laurell answers a dozen questions from the message board.

Enjoy.

Saving my Sanity

I’m still in a bad mood. I’ve begun to figure out some of the reasons. Mostly to do with the fact that apparently my lesson for the year is patience, and dealing with ambiguity. Neither of these is my best thing. I’m very impatient and I like things very black and white. No waffling; thank you. But, if I already knew how to deal with it, it wouldn’t be a lesson, would it? Sigh.

But one thing I do when I’m feeling blue, or just overwhelmed by all the many blessings in my life. Yes, you read that right. One of my lessons is to allow myself to enjoy my success. My Grandmother raised me that God was a sort of cosmic loan shark, or hitman. If you got too happy, then God would get you! It meant that my grandmother didn’t let herself enjoy much of anything, because if you enjoyed it, then bad things happened. So when good things happened, she made herself miserable to keep God from doing it, and when bad things happened it just confirmed her dark view of the universe. Most of the time I’m all right, but every once in awhile my Grandmother’s voice fills my head, and I’m filled with fear. Things are going too well, so bad things will happen. This kind of thinking leads some people to sabotage their lives so that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. I don’t do that. I work hard, and try and make things better. But sometimes, the darkness in my head, just overwhelms. Not the fun dark, but the night sweats. That 3:00 A. M. waking up in the dark, stare at the ceiling, with your heart pounding, and your pulse filling your throat. Nightmare, or did you really hear a noise? Or the worst of the 3:00 A. M.s; you just lie awake, convinced that everything has gone to shit, and there is no help for it, or even worse, nothing is wrong, everything is wonderful, but you are filled with an overwhelming sense of dread. I’ve been having those kinds of feelings in broad daylight. By my grandmother’s rules, I should have something horrible coming. I know the universe doesn’t work the way she seemed to think it does. I know God and Goddess is about love more than punishment, but old habits die hard. I think, three years after her death, I’m finally starting to let myself grieve. You’d think that would be healing, but it’s not, it’s raised old demons, and I walk through my day haunted.

What to do when stuck in therapy hell with your inner demons seeming to gain ground? When all else fails, I donate to a rescue group, and try and help one of the pups. Today’s happy recipient of my dismal mood was Delia.

The Mid-Atlantic German Shepard Rescue has been hit pretty hard just recently with a lot of high needs dogs. So, if you’re wondering what you can do to make a difference in the world, donate a dollar. This is my charity for today, but pick a different one if you want to. You don’t have to be rich to make a difference. Remember that every million is made up of one dollar at a time. We can do more together than alone.

It's a grumble-bunny day

Woke to a rainy, messy, chilly, day. Maybe it’s the weather, but I’m a grumpy-bunny. How grumpy?

I’m wearing my badger shirt, my bear pentagram, drinking out of the mug that reads, "Psycho Bitch from Hell,", and wearing a new button I got yesterday. What does the button say? "I haven’t had my coffee yet. Don’t make me kill you."

I was only showing the new buttons to my mother-in-law this morning, but when she came to this one, she said, "Oh, that’s you." Gotta love family that knows you well, and still loves you.

So, I’m wearing the button, and I’m trying not to embrace the less pleasant aspects of badger and bear. But this is the sort of day when I want to go into my den, cover the entrance up, and sit and brood. It’s okay to go into your hidey-hole and think about things, but brooding is counter productive. I know that, but as I cling to my Psycho Bitch mug, with only my third dose of hot, caffeine for the morning, I fight not to brood.

I don’t want music. I don’t want to cheer up. I bought a second button yesterday, that sums up my thought on cheeriness right now, button reads, "Well, aren’t you just a ray of freaking sunshine?" And no, the original button doesn’t say freaking, but I can’t remember the rules for everywhere the blog goes up, so I’ll err on the side of caution.

I feel like a grumpy bear today, and I just want to sit in my cave and be left the frak alone. How do you spell frak? Does it need an "e" on the end, or not?

All right, I’ve made myself put up the Psycho Bitch mug, and I’m drinking tea out of a fine, china mug. It has a badger on it, but also squirrels, rabbits, fox, and even cats. It’s all drawn like a wild life scene, in fact, I believe it’s from the Dunoon wildlife collection. I tried to make myself break out the Brambly Hedge mice teacup and saucers, but I’m not quite ready to be that happy. Baby steps.

I’m going to try and work now, though, God, knows, I don’t want to. I just want to wrap this bad mood around me like a well-worn blanket, sit in my big, comfy chair, nurse my mug of tea, and stare out at the rain. But deadlines wait for nothing and no one, not even my moods. Curses, to quote one of my favorite cartoon villains. Who am I quoting? Mojo-Jojo, of course. Power Puff Girls rule, and Buttercup kicks ass.

Play

I'm anxious; why? I think it has something to do with the fact that Pippin is laying at my feet. Well, he's actually on one foot. He hates storms and we've got another round of pouring rain, distant thunder, and even a little lightning. Pip hates it all.



I'm actually beginning to think that I'm picking up on his anxiety. I know, I know, weird, but I'm still beginning to think it's true. I was fine until the puppy decided to be a canine limpet and attache himself to me. But I can't in good conscience make him move, because I know that the close proximity makes him feel better.



Earlier today I finely got SWALLOWING DARKNESS back out. It was time. I was all prepared to decide how much to cut. I'd estimated loosing at least forty pages. But strangely, when I reread things, I didn't need to loose anything. I'm not wrong on where the book needs to go and what needs to happen here. I was wrong about what the outcome will be of the events for the next few books, but I'm not wrong about this fight. We need it, and we need it here.



It's time for Merry and her guys to show everyone that, they might, just might, be picking more of a fight than they bargained for.



I'm supposed to be working on Anita right now, but my head really isn't into it. I think I may have a second short piece moving liquid in my head. The idea was that the second writing session of the day was about fun, and working on whatever I wanted to work on, not about deadlines. But I keep falling back into the habit of making it all about work, and not about play.



What do I want to play today? Is it time to actually just open up a blank file and see what my muse is trying to tell me? If I do, then it will be the first time in over ten years, maybe longer, that I've given myself that kind of freedom. Hmm, wonder what it will feel like? Best to find out. Maybe it will be another short story, or another novel-lite, or some idea that's been bubbling around in my imagination, that's finally ready to talk to me.



I'll leave Anita, Edward, Olaf, and Bernardo, on the sidewalk in the summer heat. We can question people tomorrow, after I start the big fight at the end of DARKNESS. Fun day tomorrow, but right now, I'm going to go play.

Stephen King Puts Foot in Mouth

"I don't want to sound like an ad, a public service ad on TV, but the fact is if you can read, you can walk into a job later on. If you don't, then you've got, the Army, Iraq, I don't know, something like that. It's, it's not as bright. So, that's my little commercial for that." -Steven King

When I first heard the unfortunate statement that Stephen King made on Book TV on CSPAN 2, I was angry. I felt that I had to defend the honor of our nation's military, but you know what? I don't have to defend their honor because they do a damn good job of defending themselves.

First off, the friend that brought the statement to my attention, Charles, is ex-army. He really enjoys reading. He's one of the few people, outside my writing group, that knows more esoteric quotes than we do. In fact, when he was stationed in Iraq in a forward area, he joked that he couldn't get away from me. Why? Because, of the four books available, two of them were mine. When he got back to St. Louis and ended up being assigned to be my security, he told me the story. I loved the idea of my books, set here in the Midwest being out in the sand box for our soldiers to read.

I've lost track of the number of military men and women, who have said that reading my books helps them forget where they are, what they're doing, and how far from home they are. That I help them escape, for a little while. What higher praise is there, than that?

Thanks to Darla, who first brought it to my attention, we've been sending books to our military men and women for years. We've actually sent to all branches at this point. Libraries on ships; deserts; bases in Europe; anywhere that someone wrote in and asked. But, not just my books, as much as I'd love to think that I'm every one's cup of tea, I'm not, and also you can't reread just one series forever. Everyone wants a change, so we send other books, as well. The solider that we just sent a box out to, requested action/adventure, and mysteries. Mine qualify, but we also sent him others. A book can be a very good friend when you're far from home.

Maybe Mr. King never had the pleasure of being friends with anyone in the military. I have both very good friends, and family that are ex-military. My father-in-law, Art, is one of the most intelligent men I've met. He has a master's degree in Theology; forgive me Art for not remembering the exact degree. He retired as a Major from the Air Guard.

Shawn, who has been my friend for eighteen, or is it nineteen years now, is one of the people that I call for advice. He's well-read, and thoughtful, though he might deny it. He's a policeman now, but he was a marine, though I'm not sure past tense actually applies to marines. You never really get it out of your system.

I have had ex-military personnel help me with research over the years. They have been generous with their time, their experiences, and helped add a level of reality to my fantastic fiction, that wouldn't have been possible without their input. Thanks again, guys.

Domestically Challenged

I enjoyed my weekend off, but today I’ve got no pages. Sometimes it happens after a weekend off, I just have trouble getting back in the groove. It’s one of the reasons I so seldom take an entire weekend away from work. Sigh.

Jon had a doctor’s appointment this evening, just a check-up, and Trinity and I did errands. By the time we were all back home, it was too late to have the dinner I had planned. As in, dinner would have been at Trinity’s bed time. We have staff to help organize us during the work day, but no one in the evening. At night, it’s just us to do the whole grown-up thing. Some day’s we’re better than others, but today was one of those moments when I thought, wouldn’t it be nice to have a wife? Not a real wife, but that 1950’s ideal that never really existed. Someone that is organized and helps you be organized, and makes sure that we don’t forget that to have dinner before bedtime, we have to start at X o’clock. I ended up going out and bringing in food. It was healthy food, sort of, and we ate. Trinity is now tucked into bed, and we are finishing up so we can go up soon. So we got everything done that needed doing, eventually, but when I realized that I’d missed the window for dinner, I felt like I’d failed.

There are days when I think, wouldn’t it be nice to have that organized grown-up in the house. But it’s not me, and though Jon is more practical than I am, he’s not the most practical person. But, you know what, I’ve never been attracted to anyone that was terribly practical. Even my first husband wasn’t organized or practical. In fact, one of the things that contributed to our divorce was that both of us kept looking at the other person, waiting for them to notice that the lamp shades were dusty, and the dinner needed to be put in the oven, or purchased from the grocery store in time to have for dinner. Now, my Chief of Domestic Operations, Sherry, takes care of the dust, and someone else buys the groceries, after I make the meal plan, so all we have to do is cook it in a timely manner. You’d think we could manage it, and most days we do, but every once in a while the absent-minded professor/artist kicks in, and we just forget. But, in the end, we got dinner, and the kiddo in bed, and it all got done. But it is one of those days when I think longingly of having one extra more practical person in the house, but let’s face it, even if Jon and I could find a third adult that we wanted to cohabitate with, we’d never be attracted to someone organized and practical. When we were both dating, our choices ran high to artist, techies, writers, and scientiests. None of these jobs, or degrees are likely to net you an organized mate. Now, now, I know there are some out there in all those categories that are the exception to the rule. Those professor types that are far from absent-minded, must be out there, but I never dated them, and neither did Jon.

So, even if we added another person to the household, we’d be no better off. We might have fun, but the chance of us bringing someone into the house that would actually help us be better in a practical manner, is slim to none. I think one of the reasons that Nathaniel in the Anita books is so domestically oriented is pure wish fulfillment on my part.

But as one good friend said recently, simple, and well-organized is boring. Well, yeah, but there are days when I wonder what it would be like for someone in the household not to be an artist, or a techie, or both. It wouldn’t work, but the lamp shades would get dusted, and dinner would be on time.

Blood Noir Auction and Drawing Winners

The auctions have ended. The drawings done. Just wanted to give everyone a heads up on how it came out.

Peggye O of Colorado donated $625.00 to Granite City APA!

Rebecca U of New Jersey donated $610.00 to Midwest Pug Rescue!

Thank you both so much for the wonderful bids!


Now to our drawing winners.

The fan club member who was the random drawing was Tammy M of Ohio.

The random email drawing winner was Kristen T of California.
I think this was our biggest drawing yet. We have 14,392 entries. Whoo! That’s a lot!

All the winners have been sent an email.

Thank you to all who entered.

A Weekend Off

I'm a big one for work, as you guys know, but this weekend has been about fun. I have actually taken the entire weekend off. Trinity is with her father, so Jon and I have been on our own. Friday was socializing with the writing group. Saturday Jon and I watched three hours of Tivo television that we'd been trying to see all week. Since we average about an hour of television a day, three hours was pure indulgence. But I didn't feel guilty, it was relaxing. Sometimes a little coach potato time is exactly what's needed, especially when watching with my sweetie beside me.

Saturday night was serious date night and grown-up time. I'd tell you what we did, but then I'd have to kill you. Your clearance is not high enough, yet.

Today, Sunday, we saw Iron man with our friends Mark and Sarah. The movie was way fun, and though I had my doubts about Robert Downey Jr., well, he is Iron Man. We had lunch before the movie at The Blue Owl in Kimmswick. They have great food, and deserts that are so dangerous that just looking at the case gives you a sugar rush. The restaurant has appeared on the food channel, and deservedly so. Sarah and I have been going there for a girl's lunch for years, but it's only been in the last few years that we've included our husbands and made it a couple thing.

The decision for the evening is do we eat dinner, or do we eat the deserts we got from the restaurant? There's no way to do both.

Solo drive

Remember the blog last weekend where I made the decision that the Foose was my car, at last?

Well, I did my first solo drive. My goal for this week had been to drive the car by myself, and yesterday, I did it! It was very cool that I did it on Beltane, which is sort of the Wiccan version of Valentine's Day, but not. It's more about fertility than romance, but the two aren't mutual exclusive, as all those babies prove. Beltane is a major holiday for us, and a time for celebrating the return of the sun, the warmth, and life. It's been a long winter, and now we celebrate.

Well, Jon and I celebrated more traditionally later that night. (It was a kid free evening.) But during the day, I celebrated by driving my car all by myself. I'd earned a little leisure time, because I'd already done eight pages on the short piece, and finished it! Yea! I'd then turned around and done fifteen pages on the new Anita book. Yes, the one after BLOOD NOIR. Then it was off to the allergist for shots, oh, joy. I drove to the allergist, had a little excitement in the parking lot. Why is parking so challenging in this car? But even with killing the engine a couple of times, I still had made my decision. I was done with work for the day, and I was going to solo.

I dropped Jon off at the house, and off I went. His parting advice to me, "What's rule number one?"

I answered, "Don't panic."

"What's rule number two?" he asked.

My reply, "See rule number one."

Good rules for any new endeavor. I drove off to do errands. The Foose is a car that encourages you to find excuses to drive. I'm a little rough going from first to second gear, but I'm smooth the rest of the way up. I muttered under my breath, "Easy off the clutch. Don't stab at it. Give it gas, but not too much." Once I got up to speed, I was able to drive like a sane person and not talk to myself, but any stop light, or sign, was met with a litany of out loud advice to myself. It helps me concentrate.

I no longer break into a cold sweat when I see a light turning red. I fear no stop sign. Though a downward slope does still give me pause, if it's behind me. But I'm working on it. The other goal was that next writing group, I drive the Foose. Well, it's tonight, and guess what? The Baby and I are driving.

Juvenile Diabetes Auction

Brenda Novak’s Auction for Juvenile Diabetes Research is up and running today!

General info on auction:
Click Here: Auction Info

http://www.brendanovak.com/auction_index.php

Auction Items:
Click Here: Auction Items

http://brendanovak.auctionanything.com/

Stuff donated by Laurell:
Click Here: Laurell's Basket

http://brendanovak.auctionanything.com/Bidding.taf?_function=detail&Auction_uid1=989584&_UserReference=D1D0771246B6C686C8FE8378EB654819DFA7

In this fabulous Laurell K. Hamilton Goody Box, you'll receive an Anita Blake Hunter Series sterling silver chain necklace with a set of vampire teeth
An Anita Blake Hunter Series chain pull
An autographed copy of ANITA BLAKE VAMPIRE HUNTER GUILTY PLEASURES Comic Book, Volume 1
Autographed copy of STRANGE CANDY, a collection of short stories by Laurell K. Hamilton
Autographed copy of A LICK OF FROST (Hardcover)
"I LOVE SIGMUND" stuffed penguin
"I LOVE NATHANIEL" stuffed bear
Winner's choice of one T-shirt from the Laurell K. Hamilton Fan Club Brochure
Autographed copy of THE FIRST DEATH (Anita Blake Vampire Hunter) Comic
Unabridged MP3-CD Audio Version of MISTRAL'S KISS (Autographed on cover)
Danse Macabre coaster
A LICK OF FROST magnet
"Anita Blake was here" sticker
Complimentary one-year membership to Laurell K. Hamilton Fan Club
Laurell K. Hamilton CD (Center for the Book)
"Asher Slept Here" Night-shirt
Fanged rubber ducky
INCUBUS DREAMS on Compact Disc (Autographed on cover)

links to video

I put up a blog yesterday about the video reading from BLOOD NOIR on You Tube and My Space, but forgot to add the links to the videos. My bad, and my tech mistake. So, here they are with Jon's help to make it so.

[Jon here]
The YouTube Channel

The MySpace Page

Note for the non-MySpace savvy: You'll have to click on the videos link under Laurell's Picture to get to the videos.
[/Jon]